your to-do list.

bleck. hate to make a bossy businessy post like this, but not enough to NOT do it. here are some things i need y'all to do and know. please get going on these with a quickness.

1. there is a new blog page. right up yonder-------------------^ called "custom orders." it's the details on ordering anything i could think of off the top of my head that i would be willing to make for anyone who was interested. check it out, and if there's something you want that isn't there, just ask me.

2. so with that in mind, a few of y'all have mentioned wanting some keychains or other crafty goodness for christmas presents. i mean, not like presents that say "to: you, from: k8" on the tag, but presents for y'all to order and give to your very own beloveds.

with that, and a thinning crevix*, in mind i am going to try to prod you into action by setting a deadline for christmas orders to be made by december 5th. please please please if you want gifts and already know about them now, don't wait until then to tell me, go ahead and get them in now, and be all fancy and done with some shopping. then you can avoid the savage retail hoard out there on december 23rd whose shrieking, disgruntled, merchandise-crazed existence makes you want to drop-kick them to farking bethlehem. that's a pretty picture.

also, because you don't want your gifts to have to be made by him because everyone waited until the 4th and i have a million orders to fill but i can't reach my pressor foot due to the newborn latched to my boobs so i have to use child labor instead:

"back to work! you can trade your clothespin wages for 3 grapes when you finish those 16 keyfobs!" seriously, but whenever he goes missing and quiet in the house, this is where i find him. usually playing with the pincushion, which he calls "ouch," yet continues to love and manhandle.

*i realize that i misspelled "cervix" above. it was a honest typo i made the other night on the facey boo-boo (aka facebook. forgive me i hang around with a toddler), and i decided it sounded way more apropos than the correct version, and gave just the right imagery that i am going for when i tell you all about mine. onward CREVIX!

3. there are about 20 new fabrics (went on an amy butler binge) available for any project you want. as always, you can check them out in my flickr. they are listed in sets of how much yardage i have on hand (keyfobs vs. bigger projects). and of course for a custom order i can use/order/go find any fabric you want if you don't see exactly what you're looking for.

4. these are the last few days to enter the baby pool because i will probably lock it up sometime next week or, you know, push a baby out of my vagoo to signal to y'all that the contest is closed. so...heads up for those signs. i am so stoked to see how this mother turns out and who wins. even if you're super lurky, if you have even the slightest desire to enter a guess, go for it! this is a perfect nonthreatening gateway to becoming a reformed lurker. hooray participation!

thanks for reading

wild kingdom

this little scene played out a few weeks ago at our house like something from national geographic:

the predator in his natural habitat, wearing the guise of a harmless waterbug. do not be fooled, for inside stalks a beast of incalculable ferocity

another side of this specimen begins to surface once his vicious teeth are engaged; bringing to the forefront the ravenous and unstoppable hunter within

as his teeth lock against the unyielding stump, he knows it won't be enough to satisfy his greedy maw, and a wild, carnivorous gleam enters his eye. just like that, the hunt is afoot

despite the late hour, this is no time for him to return to his lair for a night of rest. tonight, he is on the prowl until his bloodlust can be sated.

he spots a likely target lounging unsuspecting by the lagoon

he begins his ascent to his preying perch, creeping silently, stealthily (yet somehow modestly and without exposing his weak spots)

as he summits, the tiny predator emits a primal scream to startle and freeze his quarry

brandishing a weapon, he readies himself to pounce, baring his ready jaws

he flies through the air, executing a perfectly-aimed neck-chop as his terrified victim cowers and recoils in fear... but it is too late, for the attack is underway

alas, the little hunter has sorely miscalculated and, despite his ferocious and brave assault, his larger, stronger prey has snatched control of the situation, as well as the upper hand, from his tiny spatula-ed grasp.

luckily his would-be victim is a loving and merciful primate who does not punish the young cub for his impulsive and foolhardy attack. cuddles are exchanged and elmo is watched.

night falls on the lagoon

the tiny predator returns to his normal, harmless plumage and demeanor once more

but inside the hunter rests and waits...

full term of endearment

so it looks like i am going to be 2-for-2 on carrying baby-life to full term. whoopie. 37 weeks was reached on saturday and this is the "full term" point in pregnancy where everybody's pretty cool and confident that everything would be A-okay if baby came out from this point on. this is also the point where i get to start saying, "any day now..."

as far as produce goes, my 36 week buddy was supposed to be a crenshaw melon, but...wtf is that? and shah right my local publix carried those. so i manhandled a hefty spaghetti squash instead.

sweet moley that thing is huge. 6 lbs, 18 inches long...just like little miss should be right now. (check out those 3 hotties in the background scoping me out)

so we're on the weekly OB visit schedule now. there are 5 doctors at my practice and i rotate seeing them all since i need to be "familiar" with each in case my favorite (t-bex) isn't on call when i go. i was thinking after my first pelvic of this new babymaking season last week that an OB with really long fingers would be awesome so that when you get checked at the early end-stages of pregnancy, when the baby and the cervix are still pretty up in there, you wouldn't suffer as much (i can explain in more detail if you aren't getting the picture.

well this morning i was all ready to go on the padded stiruppy table and the nurse came in and said the doctor i was supposed to see was in delivery so another one would do my checkup. i had seen this dr. K once before. but when she came in and started typing on the computer i looked down and my heart quailed.

in case you were wondering, the contest for "stumpiest fingers on an OB" is now closed. because this chick took home first prize with no competition. and i was right about the correlation between concert-pianist type fingers and comfort level during a pelvic. yikes.

but the result was interesting: 2 cm and effaced. okay. i would say that's good news but i know chicks who have walked around at a 4 for 2 weeks before delivering.

so i am getting a free cm a week. so if i just hold on for 8 more weeks i will wake up on christmas morning with a new baby in bed with me, not even having noticed going through the labor of getting to 10 cm. like the horse scene from the godfather...only happy...and a healthy baby instead of a horse head.

i am a firm believer that i cannot have a baby until i have experienced the misery endgame of pregnancy. and i am not quuuuuuite there yet. the misery stage with judah consisted of sausage toes, feet that hurt so bad i was forced to wear yellow crocs everywhere, and 90 minute efforts at getting out of chairs or bed. plus a hearty variety of grunts and groans any time i tried to rotate, flip or otherwise locomote my bulk.

i have a good strong waddle that shows up if my stomach or bladder is full, but for the most part i can still chase judah around, capture errant cats and even sit up unassisted most of the time. so, maybe she's gonna be later rather than sooner. who knows how long judah would have stayed in there if he hadn't wolverined his way our of the bag of waters a week early? and i would rather have her go 2 weeks late than have my water break early, because that's what make doctors pay attention to me and keep track of when it's time to IV the devil juice in (see here for details).

look at those talons! apparently my uterus gives elegant french mani's

so there you have it. your weekly peek into my cervix. you're sooooo welcome. stay tuned as next week we feature: the mucus plug! (ew, not really). i dare you to google image search that term by the way. i DARE you

roll(s) out!

i got the custom order from the bride i talked about before for 9 of my jewelry rolls last monday. i started making them on tuesday. i shipped everything off on saturday. shwew. she needed them by november 14th and i was panicking a bit just because who knows when this baby is coming (do you? well feel free to share, here). but i got an extra boost of productivity from my nesting hormones and churned these suckers out in only 2.5 nights of work. take that, tiny baby, i am faster than you!

i thought it was such a cool idea for bridesmaids gifts, she was giving each girl one of these travel jewelry rolls as a unique two in one gift because each one is going to hold the bridesmaid jewelry she is getting them to wear in the wedding. the bride was super laid back, just like i was while planning my wedding (somewhere north of atlanta my mom just spewed coffee all over her monitor), and just made a few fabric choices and let me do the rest. i didn't have lots of yardage of any one fabric to make them all the same so we were going to just have 3 or 4 fabrics and some would be repeats. but when i started picking them i was really wanting to have a different color and pattern for each girl rather than any repeats, and we managed to do that on both the ribbon accents and the main fabrics.

in love with this little brood. the pimp camera did a great job capturing the colors. i just want to eat them!

now please enjoy about 9 other views of this collection because i am so happy to have our camera working and was really obsessed with stacking these in different formations and taking pictures of their little details. you're WELCOME!

each one has its own little grosgrain bow color. presh to the max

lined up to march out my door

the backsides of them all folded up

and the top sides

and the side sides. hahaha this is getting ridiculous

while i love all of my creations equally, i did have some favorite details on a couple that really tugged at my crafty heartstrings.

the fabric for this purple one came from a clearance pillow sham from target. it has these cool painted-effect birds in different sizes all over and i made it so that the really big birdie was on the back of the main piece. it just looks like a pretty, abstract design when its folded up but when it's open, you can see what it is.

and then smaller feathered friends inside. i love that it looks like they are flying out of the bag. it was actually really hard for me to part with this fabric.

i have always loved purple and gray together and the ribbon, zipper and lining of the pockets are all slightly different shades of gray. (let's pause and marvel at the fact that my wedding rings still fit. i was getting green finger stains from a claire's stand-in ring by this point in pregnancy with judah)

another fave was this fabric that got the nod late in the game when i ran out of another one she had selected. i love how plain and crisp that black and white pattern is and how the little pops of kelly green and teal ribbon spice it up.

i got the sections on either side of the zipper to match up perfectly, but it wouldn't work with all three lower pieces. that would have been clutch (get it? clutch?)

partially lined with more kelly green

and after i said my tearful goodbyes, i boxed them up and made the packaging as cute as i can (which isn't very)

in case you were wondering, the ribbon on the inside of the roll is for threading through your rings or sticking earrings through. the whole thing is padded and soft so that any fragile jewelry doesn't get crunched. i always say i want to make like 10 of these for myself and then just use each one as a little clutch purse, but i'm always too lazy.

the end.

totally camp

i got a facebook notification that the director of my old summer camp had tagged a photo of me. i went to this camp for about 3 weeks every summer from 3rd through 8th grade and was OBSESSED with it. i would bawl when my parents would come pick me up and beg to stay another week. but, as is my M.O., i didn't really keep in touch, so i was thinking that this notification was probably spam or something since it was unlikely he had actually run across a picture of me lately.

how wrong i was:

the best part is that my coworker just told me: "you still look just like that!"

i have no idea what is going on here with the red paint, or the leg and i don't remember owning green socks ever. i do know that the t-shirt is my dad's old #6 little league jersey from his childhood. and i know that those shoes were my first ever nikes that i HAD to have because my BFF amy wore nikes too (though hers were pink and purple...yuck!). it's good to see that i was cleaning the rib meat off the bones of lesser mammals at that age too. and that's pretty much how i sit at the dinner table today.

lest i forget

here are some fun facts:

*i am currently slaving my nights away doing a custom order for NINE jewelry rolls on etsy for a bride to use a bridesmaids gifts. the funny thing is that she just needs them by the day of the wedding...which is november 14th. my due date for layla is november 13th in case you didn't know (enter your guess for when she's coming here). so we are working against 2 deadlines now, and one is rather flexible and unknown. scary.

i have learned that i don't charge near enough for the amount of labor that goes into these. times anything by 9 and you get a lot of stress, hours of repetition and a pregnant sweatshop (literally and figuratively). i have also learned that getting paid for a job before you have actually done it sucks. you sort of lose the incentive. so i am ignoring my paypal balance and slaving like she's dangling the benjamins in front of me and not like they are already a click away from my bank account.

*i got my first ever smartphone yesterday. i am slightly offended that this means all my previous phones were stupidphones by default. and despite HATING the new american obsession with these devices and their tendency to get in the way of, oh i don't know, real life relationships (especially in the 15-25 age bracket...so.beyond.annoying), i am confident that i can own one of these without making a golden calf out of it. i was so excited, tracking it online all day by refreshing obsessively. i wasn't sure if they would drop it at the door or require me to sign so i definitely didn't want to take a chance and miss them.

well, i heard the doorbell ring during judah's nap and thought, "oh gosh, i should probably put on a bra....but, oh no, but what if it's signature required and he leaves before i am locked, loaded and presentable...mmmm,nope, can't risk it." so i opened the door and then just crossed my arms. let me tell you how stupid you look/feel answering the door and then immediately crossing your arms like, "well, what the hell can i do for you?" and then when he hands you the little digital sign-pad and the stylus, you really have no choice but to swing low sweet chariots (thank you, creed) and reach out and grab them from him. so i apologize, mr. fedex man, it was a choice between your eyes and my phone. though, if you work our neighborhood's route regularly, you probably don't get many bra-wearers anyhow and mine were a possible upgrade from the normal rocks-in-socks, so you're welcome?

*i may or may not have decided to take the smartphone plunge based almost solely on an ad i saw for a crockpot app (and the fact that the phone cost practically nothing). i have recently fallen in love all over again with our crockpot. i've mentioned it on here before, but it just blows my mind every time. it's a pain to have to plan ahead and completely against my nature, but oh my gosh, just remembering while i am at work that a little robot creature is at home cooking my dinner for me is so cool! plus, it's hard to go wrong with most of the recipes we have tried. meat plus condensed soups plus rice and veggies and cheese do well when they're left to mingle and sweat all over each other for 8 hours up in da club. yummmm.

*let's see, what else? jesse is writing a post on a bighugegiant change that our family is about to go through (aside from the baby-boo), the one that i mentioned sort of shattering my entire existence a few weeks ago but then failed to expound upon . so yeah, i was overreacting a bit and it has actually turned out to be a really cool opportunity. i just fear change. but keep in mind that it took jesse like 10 months from start to finish to get his version of the birth story written, soooooo, maybe don't hold your breath. but when it comes, it will be good.

*i had my 36 week OB visit this week wherein i got the standard test for strep B bacteria. ah, 16 months between anal swabbings is too long, let's do this again SOON, dr. B. but while i was stirrupped, she went ahead and checked me for progress. remembering that my cervix was described as "high and tight" with 0 cm dilation at the appointment that was 3 days before judah's birth, i wasn't expecting anything besides the charming feeling of her hand reaching all the way up to my throat. imagine my surprise to hear i was 1 cm dilated and "oh my gosh, super soft." alright! i'll take that. any centimeters of dilation that can occur without my knowledge are little nuggets of golden goodness.

i told her that i had been taking the evening primrose oil capsules (just orally for now...the term "vaginal suppository" is not one i am down with juuuust yet) for about a week, as recommend by my supernurse adrienne, to "ripen" the cervix (hate that term) and she said, "well, i think they're working." it's cool because my experience is that OB's aren't into natural supplements and pretty much don't recommend them, but also don't mind them if they aren't harmful. but she totally agreed with the statement that whatever is causing the softening, it will definitely speed things up once labor starts. again, this doesn't mean they are going to cause labor themselves, but just that when the hormonal balance is right to kickstar labor, that things should go pretty fast and hopefully cm's will will fly by with less cervical resistance, requiring less contractions. that's the idea at least. plus this is my second birth (did you know?) so it should go faster anyway. hopefully she won't be born in our car just because i don't want to snuggle a baby that is coated in cheerios and goldfish crumbs (thanks, big brother).

*no pictures, all text, stream of consciousness style. yikes. kudos for making it this far. mmmm, kudos. i used to only experience these candy bars masquerading as granola bars when we were given them as snack on our elementary school field trips. so now whenever i see a play, or the orchestra, or go to "[insert popular media franchise here] on ice," i find myself waiting for a kindly teacher to hand these out. and salivating.

i'm just here for the bug

here's a little gift basket of random photos for all of you judah fans out there who would rather see him than read me. (see also: lazy keight avoids writing: day two).

i have tried to get him to use sidewalk chalk about 4 times and he couldn't have been less interested. well, look how jesse got him excited about it. i knew the barely 2 months-old car was missing something. now it's perfect.

try to put him in his carseat and you have offended him deeply, but this one he mourns over whenever we make him get out. i see trouble down the road. please don't let him sit on her while she's in here.

this one's for the ladies

you tell that lamp who's boss

you can just see genius written all over his face here.

the pimpin' patch

she had me at "corn box," "huge slide," and pictures of goats under boats.

one of the blogs i follow (friend of a friend + college connection) is the mommy of a sweet little toddler named ella and just recently a set of boy/girl miracle twins born at 29 weeks (though they had been trying to come from about 20 weeks on...seriously, little miracles). in fact i think our 40 week due dates were only like 2 days apart, so this would have been like me having layla and another baby back at the end of august. the great news is that both babies are thriving even though they haven't yet reach gestationally full term and may be headed home soon. so stinking amazing! sarah, the mommy, had such incredible faith throughout this trying pregnancy and it has been so cool to see her prayers being answered.

well they recently took big sister ella to a pumpkin patch and posted about it. as soon as i saw these pictures and descriptions i knew we HAD to go there. i came out of my quiet following stalker shadow and asked sarah where they found this gem of a patch. the answer was corndawgs in loganville, GA. now this is nowhere near where we live, but i knew we HAD to go. it was $12 for each adult, but there was SOOOOOOOOO much stuff to do and see that was included. until i read about corndawgs i was kind of bleh about paying $20 for jesse and me just to be able to let judah buy a pumpkin, take a hay ride and see a sheep since most of the places around here only have those things and maybe a corn maze to offer.

but corndawgs. ah-mazing. so worth the 3 hours total in the car and $24 of admission. and maybe $15 more of batter-dipped, fried concessions.

even though kids under 2 were free, he got an admission bracelet that kind of freaked him out and came off not long afterward. first accessory: fail. that's cool, i never really liked guys with cuff bracelets anyway.

he's really just protesting wearing it, but it was hilarious because we were walking up to a gate that said, "please display your armbands." great reading, little fella!

in a tunnel under a hay pyramid. the cool thing is that a ray of sunshine is coming through a hole and snipering jesse in the neck.

our favorite pastime: climbing on high things and then "jumping" to daddy. also known as taking 6 pitter patter marching steps in place and then walking off.

and now for the most spectacular feature in agritourism this side of schrute farms: the corn box. 10 tons of loose corn kernels (and one ibuprofen tablet i found...was that a contest?) for kids of all ages to bask in. no time limit, no line, no extra fee. so freaking fun.

"hey, where have i seen this stuff before? oh, that's right. in my poo"

getting excited about what's going on

self take fampic in the corn. this stuff really felt awesome to roll around in. i was like a seal mama flopping around in my third trimester splendor. watch out, kids, she's turning! (there's a facial shot for your guessing, lori)

stranger offers to take a full body shot of the 4 of us. wish i wasn't having abductor-grip on judah's upper arm and that he was patting my belly instead of jesse's

doy. standard. anything that you might do in sand or snow was being tried in the corn box. burial was favorite though.

walking on unstable surfaces is an alltime favorite activity of judah's. he just walked around wobbling and falling down for like 10 minutes straight.

puttin' out the vibe

action shot of a corn tsunami

judah joined in this little lord of the flies toddler attack on somebody's dad. maybe 2 of these kids are actually his. it was funny to see how they immediately all banded together from all the corners of the box to bury this man.

one of the cornbox hazards.

i laughed at judah hardcore for his buttcorn, but then 2 hours later i went to go #1 and about lost my mind thinking that kidney stones or all of layla's bones were falling out of me into the toilet when about 20 pieces of corn went splink-splinking into the porcelain bowl. and then i was really embarrassed 2 hours after we got back home when i found 5 more kernels while excavating a vicious maternity wedgie. ah, so many places for tiny kernels to go spelunking on my pregnant form. the worst part was when i found judah chewing on some corn that day. who knows who's or which orifice those came from. yikes.

these are the kiddie-sized pedal racers that of course he is still too small for. luckily he didn't mind straddling the chassis. looks comfy

on the big boy ones with daddy, though it was too hard to sit in a lap that was pedaling

once through the tunnel made of a hollowed out and buried school bus (so cool)

and then back to the little ones to let him fred flintstone around as best he could until daddy offered to push him around and around the track.

jesse is taking off the backpack here after 3 sweaty laps so that he can run and push better. but something about the picture of him is just incredibly hot to me. is it because he looks like he's chopping wood? whatever it is, it does the trick! ow, ow!

test-flying the little airplane (aka "high" which is what he calls these as he points to the sky)

checking the flaps and flanges

riding the black mamba swings

not really into the caged hayride

fampic. the belly is way blunt here. weird

judah was untrusting of the sweetest bunny on earth for some reason

but he felt comfortable petting daddy while daddy loved on the rabbit

the little piglet LOVED him. and judah sat there and let him climb all over time for a long time

i think judah had stepped in some poo somewhere and the piglet was getting aggressive on eating it off his shoe and judah started kicking him. aaaaand time's up.

he LOVED the goats, and they were really sweet and pretty. he sat there and let them suck on his fingers (weird for me)

i think he found a couple of tablets of baby ecstasy in the corn box...

to which of course we had to go back to for another round:

jesse thinks he's artsy (we actually just got our lens to our nice camera back from the repair place yesterday, so he can really go wild now. bummer that we didn't have it this day to capture 12MP worth of cornholy glory).

hahahahaha runny nose plus faceplant equals polenta-encrusted baby face

bully!

yeah the 16 month old unattended on this ride worked for 3 revolutions before he tried to stand up and the attendant had to shut it down and come running.

climbing the 85 degree upright ladder like a champ

giving daddy the signals for how to catch him at the bottom

whenever he's a little uneasy on a slide he pulls this move where he immediately flips to the belly. its hilarious.

fried oreos and a fried snickers. not even joking. you might want to adjust your guesses for layla's birthweight in the baby pool based on this. this was dessert after our lunch of corndogs, chips and soda. biggest loser, season 14, here i come! y'all can all laugh during my interview footage when i say, "i dont even know how i let myself get this way."

best picture ever. caught jesse looking disgusted/inlove with the oreo and caught judah dropping some stressful oreos in his diapie.

now the last thing we did was a massive slide down a hill. all i have of this is video and they are sooooooo good. worthy of their own post. so just expect that.

so we now officially have our parenting licenses. step one: conceive and bear children, step 2: take them to pumpkin patches and photograph. check! funnily enough we didnt get pumpkins. i figured i'd get them cheaper at walmart. not as photogenic, but i prefer to save money/live better.

seriously guys, if you live within 2 hours of this place its worth a trip (unless i am dumb and there are pimp pumpkin patches like this all over that i don't know about). we were there for over 3 hours doing nonstop activities and could have done at least twice as much with older aged kids. i mean judah is only 16 months old and there was still tons of age-appropriate stuff for him to have his little mind blown by. i would even go here without a kid. it was one big huge fallgasm of delight and wonder. go now!