1.29.2010

you have GOT to be kidding me

so the little biter only comes to judah's school 2 days a week. she was there last friday (clearly) and i assume that her other day is wednesday since she bit him AGAIN this week. you will notice the tone of this post is a wee-bit less understanding than the first time around. i want to give grace, but i'm having a hard time. this time i'm frustrated with the teachers for not preventing this...freaking renesme is 2 for 2 in her last two days at school.

and this is on my son, DAMMIT! and this time she broke the skin big time.
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master dukes, please show the court the extent of the injuries that the defendant inflicted upon you in her cold-blooded, premeditated, sociopathic rampage (over reaction):
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look at that face. he's indignant! at first i was like, how did she get such a tiny area of his hand in between her teeth?
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oh, that's how. she had my son's entire pinkie in her vile mouth!
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aaaaaaaand, cue murderous rage, take two. frustrated doesn't even really begin to cover it. apparently there was a new teacher in there who didn't know about the existing situation and let them get close (please note my stony silence after that sentence). why this toddling piranha hates judah so much is anyone's guess since she doesn't bite any other kid EVER.

now they tell us that she will never be allowed to be around judah again and that one more bite and she's gone. i obviously want her gone TODAY and don't want my son to be the recipient of the 3rd bite in a week. she is in class with him today and so help me if he gets bit i am gonna regulate on...well, on someone.
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that. looks. HORRIBLE. we are disinfecting it often since this little female puppy is clearly rabid
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ok i am shutting up about this subject before i get really worked up. here are some folks who do NOT bite judah:

this is jesse's little sister elena. she is 24 and has down syndrome. she is the sweetest, funnest, coolest kid EVAH! we adore her

i hang out with her every monday to provide respite care for the dukes. i often take her to the grocery store since monday is grocery day, but it's not a super-fun time because she either gets bored or points to everything on the shelves and says "dat mah fav-rit." its great practice for when my kids inevitably want me to buy everything there. so this time i had a strategy to make it fun for both of us. we got the big racecar cart and she sat in the bin. we went to the magazine aisle first and got about 5 of her favorites (brides, country living, motorcycles [dat mah fav-rit], etc) and then she camped out in the front while i piled groceries in the seat section where the little kids would sit.

the craziest thing was that i was kind of afraid that someone would mistake her for a misbehaving adult and get us in trouble before i could explain. so i'm over by the deli shopping for hummus (yummus!) and this worker comes running up behind us saying, "excuse me ma'am!" i was like, oh great, here we go. then she says, "do you think she would like a chicken tender?" i almost DIED.

chicken fingers are one of elena's great loves in life so the fact that we didn't get in trouble AND she chased us down to give us what she couldn't possibly have known was elena's favorite food was AH-MAZING. she also told us we could go to the bakery and get her a cookie! by the time we rolled into frozen foods elena had kicked back in the cart with her feet propped up and out of the front and her jacket behind her head, reading magazines and enjoying her cookie. that is some serious VIP grocery store treatment. we had also discussed the merits of various wedding gowns, racing motorcycles and living room decor themes. it was AWESOME!

judah's aunt elena is so good with him and has certainly never bitten him. ahem, just so we're clear.

that brings me to our next friend who doesn't bite. if anyone could be expected to maybe lash out against judah with a little dental force, it's our cat, danger. judah is obsessed with him (he couldn't care less about scout, the other cat who jesse and i can't stand and who actually bit elena once). meals come to a stop when danger-pants saunters by (hence the foodface above). danger is quite feisty with me and jesse but he is ridiculously gentle with judah despite the whisker-tugging, flank-slamming, ear-ripping treatment that judah gives him. plus the occasional jugular/abdominal pin-down:


gooooooood kitty

1.28.2010

recipizzle

here's where i pretend to know some crap that y'all don't.
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if there's one thing i've learned in my 30,000-odd meals on this earth it's that any creamy sauce that is orange-hued is AWESOME (zax sauce, thousand island, etc). it is also usually very bad for you. so i made one up to get around this (feel free to give into to the urge you're feeling right now to bow down before the splendor that is my culinary prowess).
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jesse and i first discovered the deliciousness of "remoulade" at bonehead's grill in atlantic station. it was a creamy, spicy sauce that made grilled fish/shrimp even better. it also was the reason that my response to the question, "would you like some zucchini?" went from "thanks, but i'd rather eat hiter's ass-gangrene" to "manna from heaven! sweet nectar of life!" we used to buy pre-made remoulade from boar's head at the deli section of publix, but it is way expensive and artery clogging. so now whenever we make fish we almost always make some squash-type veggie to go with it (squash, zucchini, eggplant) so we can whip up a little batch of the sauce to go on everything. we call it (as of this second) "giddy-up aioli."
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this meal took like 15 minutes start to finish. and it has about 250 total calories. displayed on our wedding china (jokes. we have none)
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EGGPLANT AND TILAPIA (recipes sound so bossy):
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put the oven on 425. do it NOW!
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slice an entire eggplant into 1/2 thick rounds, arrange on a cookie sheet. spray with pam or brush with olive oil. sprinkle a little chili power on all the rounds and then salt liberally. pop them in the oven on the top rack

spray a hot saute pan with canola/olive oil spray and then dust the pan with old bay. pop in a few fillets of a tilapia. cook about 5 minutes on med-high heat. spray the top (still raw) side with more spray and then coat it with old bay. flip and cook 5 minutes. turn off the stove.

AIOLI:

while the fish cools a bit, get a little bowl (like the teeny glad disposable above). and mix all this up in it with a fork til it's consistent and the clumps are gone...unlike mine above:

-2 Tbs of light mayo (you could use fat-free too, its not in there for the flavor, its just there as a creamy base for the sauce)

-1 Tbs horseradish (just trust me)

-1tsp of minced garlic (we have a big-ass jar we use...no chopping fresh stuff)

-2 ample squirts of lemon juice (probably about 1 tbs of juice...i just taste as i go)

-several (10-20) splooges of texas pete hot sauce or tabsco
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so your eggplant have been in there about 15 minutes. pull them out, put everything on a plate and eat up. (the aioli is also great to snazzify potatoes or pasta if you wanted a starchy side as well)
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you can use the aioli as a dipping sauce or just douse everything on the plate with it. it makes eating a new veggie way less intimidating. i can now eat lot of veggies plain (i choose not to at home) because i started out trying them with the aioli/remoulade as a safety net of flava-flav.
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*i have to give credit for the eggplant rounds to my german volleyball teammate at tech and former roommate alex preiss. she used to make this stuff ALL the time and it grossed the hell out of me. i thought that they looked like the shrivelled and discarded foreskins of barney the dinosaur's male relatives. of course i had never even tried eggplant so my judgement was really well-placed and thought out. having grown up a bit since then i tried grilled eggplant one time and kind of liked it, though i found it slimey. i remembered alex making her little snack in the oven and tried it out at home. it is awesome. don't be scurred of the eggy-plants, yall.*

oh, like you haven't thought about barney's wiener before now

1.27.2010

weekend threads

here are 3 projects i started and finished over the weekend. i am a whirling dervish of craftitude. this crap is fun, challenging and so much more gratifying to be doing during an episode "biggest loser" than eating a block of cheese and planning out our strategy for the day that jesse and i are contestants...when not if, people, when not if.
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#1: my first (and last) utter failure:
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it was supposed to be a hand-quilted lunch tote, but once again i deviated from the instructions like a lunatic and messed it up. trust the books, keight, trust them.
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so to salvage the materials i turned it into a holder-basket deal for storing my sewing books and used patterns (quilted pocket!)
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those little purple scraps wave at me and beckon to me every night after judah goes to sleep.
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#2: a hand-made gift for miss madison del angel's first birthday party. this was awesome because the invitation said "no gifts" (which is so cool for many other reasons) so it was the perfect time to use some pink fabric that i impulse-bought without considering that i am a raging tom-boy (tom-man? ew. no.) to whip up something fun without spending any money or creating a new mess for tiff and jorge to clean up. i guess it was still a gift, but tiff said she was hoping i would make something... be still my heart!
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"leisure suit lapdog" it's a stuffed doggie they recommended be made with polyester, but i like natural fibers better (i'm so green, y'all) so i stuck with cotton. i could tell from the picture that if i actually accomplished it, it would be unbelievable so i took pictures of my pattern pieces beforehand for proof. the ragged stitches criss-crossing the finished dog would prove to be evidence enough of their own.
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i had to finish this in the car on the way (this was taken in their cul-de-sac) because i started it at noon and the party was at 2 (didn't get there until 3). the eyes and nose and mouth are hard to see on the pattern but they are hand-embroidered on there quite horribly.
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doggie profile. the tail has a pipe cleaner in it so his mood can change at madison's whim
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the birthday girl with her matching dog! (and an unprepared and still photogenic jorge)
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"what the hell is this?!"
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she was coerced into giving him a kiss. adorbs.

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and #3: perhaps my proudest accomplishment to date (the doggie is close but i wrecked some of the hand-details.

it is a travel jewelry case. i stuffed this one with my own jewelry to try it out. it has two zipper pouches and tie-able ribbon to thread through rings and pin earrings on.
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it looks SO hot all tied up! (kind of like jesse. ah, jokes)

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...so much so that i added a brooch of mine (OMG i own a brooch) to see how it might look as a little clutch wallet. not bad. call me vera!

i am all over this new hobby. i am not convinced that making these things saves me any money (it's not like i would have gone out and bought a jewelry tote), but i don't really do it to save money anyhow. it's more like i am paying money in supplies and equipment and getting useful, creative, un-wasted time out of it...plus a few cute little baubles. i feel so much more fulfilled at the end of a night spent sewing than i used to just whiling the time away in front of the tv rotting my soul. i still get to enjoy my tivo'ed shows, just in the background, so it doesn't count as soul-rotting.

my book has 101 projects and i have completed 4 so far and have 2 under construction right now. onward!

1.26.2010

a first: GIVEAWAY!

apparently something that mommybloggers do is giveaways. you have something that people want and you let them try to get it from you for free! since i am selfish, anything cool that i come across stays with me, so i never thought i would do a giveaway. then i had a dream. and i am not even kidding it was on MLK day.
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caressing the ears of our wedding guests.
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backing up: these are our good friends the kiesshauers, ryan and bethany. they sang at our wedding. jesse sang in theirs (i got snubbed!) bethany has known jesse fuh-eva and even dated him in 2nd grade (temptress!). i think ryan is hilarious and enjoyed a pretty deep conversation with him on a retreat in 2004 while i was still kind of creeped out by the rest of CCF. ryan and jesse played worship together lots of many much times at CCF in college and i think ryan taught jesse a thing or two about guitar. i lived in mexico with bethany for 6 months and count her among my favorite conversationalists (we are so good together). ryan and bethany's voices were made to sing together and their vocal chords made sweet, sweet music together before their, er, hearts ever did (though i think ryan always knew). we love them.
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in our house. we're tight like that. they drove from ACWORTH!
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after MLK had his and before i had mine, ryan had a dream. he wanted to use his RIDICULOUS musical talent to make a CD of his own. as in write all the songs, sing them, play the guitar in them, get together all the other musicians, record the songs, pay to produce it, and countless other things that go into it. well, he did it all and his CD is now out. bethany sings harmony on almost all of the tracks (i have NO ear for music so don't hold me to that) and it's pretty amazing. it has been in our car CD player since the day we got it.
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so doy of all doys i am giving away one of ryan's CD's: Hope Lost/Found. in my dream i was animatedly telling ryan about the virtues of cross-marketing his CD with my blog through a giveaway. considering i had never thought of this during my waking hours, upon conscious examination, this was a pretty good idea. i told kiesshaur about it and he was all for it. (nothing else was discussed in that conversation...NOTHING).
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here's the deal. i think 99% of people who read this already know ryan and bethany and would buy the CD anyway. if this is you, i would rather you actually buy one from ryan yourself from his website (which everyone should do if you aren't the winner!). you can also preview the CD here and learn all about his experience of writing the album.
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seconds after ours arrived in the mail! the same kitchen jesse and ryan posed in above...cool!
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but if you don't know the kiesshauers OR couldn't afford the CD, then now's your chance. to enter, all you have to do is post a comment here on this post. you can post one comment per day and each will count as a separate entry. i will pick a winner randomly (using random.org) and then announce who it is next friday. all the comments need to be in by thursday, february 4th at midnight EST (that's up to 10 entries...hello, stacked deck). if the comment thing is messing up and won't let you post then just email me your comment at keight8@gmail.com and i will post it for you. i am not sure about international shipping, so let me know if you're from far far away and we'll figure something out.
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here is my description of the CD in case you were wondering what you might be getting. it's music about jesus that doesn't suck. the lyrics don't make you want to rip your ears off with rusty tongs and the musicality is better than lots of christian music you may have had the misfortune of hearing on the radio (bless your heart). i hesitate to even call it christian music because that usually means: lame-ass. this is not, yall. it's really solid. it's thought-provoking, praise-inspiring, hand-crafted, finger-licking-good music. grab yours now because one day these will be collector's items. this isn't ryan kiesshauer's CD, people; it's ryan kiesshaur's first CD.
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*if you already have a cd or plan to buy one and you just want to comment on your love of kiesshauer and the greatness of his music or some other random topic, feel free (ahem, lena). i just wont count it as an entry*

1.25.2010

twice shy

jesse called me on friday afternoon and said, "well, our little guy got bit at preschool today." i am thinking, okay, ant?, spider? guinea fowl? so i say, "by what?" and he says, "by another kid."
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aaaaand, cue murderous rage. the expression "seeing red" is not something people just made up out of the blue. when i heard that some other kid had hurt my child, nay, BIT my BABY, i felt a veil of crimson descend upon my vision. luckily it's school policy not to tell the parents which child did the biting and in those first few seconds of blinded rage i was very glad that i didn't know who it was. not that i would ever beat up a little kid, but i definitely had visions of sending in a hit-toddler to do my dirty work for me and pay back judah's assailant. the anger lasted about 10 seconds and then i was just soul-ravaged by sadness for my little man.
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his daily report. i assume like any police-issued citation that they made the offender sign this report, thus the scribbles above the offense (court date TBD)
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here's the lowdown: judah is the youngest of all the kids in his class by at least 3 months. in addition, all the other kids can walk and he can't even crawl. so what happened was that judah was in his little bouncer happily boing-ing the day away. a little girl in the class who is really attached to one of their teachers saw that teacher changing another baby's diaper and got jealous. so to get attention she acted out. she acted out all up on my sweet baby's cranium. i have to give it to her for finding the most helpless kid in class to pick on. he can't locomote anyway PLUS he was confined in the bouncer like a clueless capering baby caribou that gets picked off from the herd by the wolves.
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nope, that's not lipstick and it definitely wasn't a smooch

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after examining his poor little head i am REALLY glad that she went for his head and not a more squishy part of his body. you can see that she came in mouth wide open. unable to gain dental purchase on a big mouthful of his skull, she dragged her teeth down out of his hairline and up his forehead until she got a little skin between her teeth. if this had been his arm i bet it would have been much worse since that first huge bite would have been possible. i have considered using the dental records she left on my child's forehead to identify the attacker. i know there are at least 4 bottom teeth.
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i picture his inner monologue here being something akin to the nancy kerrigan, "WHYYYYYYYY?!?!?!"
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let me just say that we love judah's preschool and his teachers (especially the foxy director!). they do an amazing job and this had absolutely zero to do with them. this is just something that happens with kids this age. the school immediately called jesse and let him know exactly what had happened and they comforted judah and iced his head. they told the little girl's parents and issued her a warning. at some point if she keeps doing it she can't come back to preschool. after hearing that, i would much rather have a bruised baby than have our ability to keep him in daycare (necessary for us both to work and earn money to live) rest on the behavior of my toddler. poor parents. we truly feel awful for them.
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i think he's gonna be okay
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i guess somewhere in the back of my mind i knew that someone other than me or jesse would hurt judah. i say that because, at this age, if he gets hurt it's probably because me or jesse is being an idiot. this was just awful though. i wasn't there to stop it and i wasn't there to comfort him when it happened. i feel confident that it hurt me more than it hurt the bug. oh well, i'm sure this won't be the last time and the emotional ouchies that other kids inflict will suck way more. must. gird up. my loins.
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on the upside, ever since judah got home that day he has been a fiend about standing and cruising (aka walking around while holding onto various things). it was like a baby "rocky" montage taking place in our living room: he's been knocked down early on, but he's rising up and getting back on the streets, he did his time and took his chances; just a baby and his will to survive. he seems determined to walk ASAP all of a sudden and we think the bite was the impetus. we don't know if he plans to walk to escape her or to hunt her down and pay her back (which could be bad since he only has 2 bottom teeth. hello, punctures!). we are just glad that he will have the option of fight or flight next time.
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practicing watching his back and defending with an arm-sweep


"i'm coming for you, bee-atch!"

1.22.2010

1 down; 100 to go

while getting into a humongous fight with your husband literally the second you walk in the door on a thursday night may not sound like an ideal scenario, it does leave plenty of time to sew in peace, privacy, and contemplation of revenge involving becoming a needle-wielding lorena bobbit. (can we stop for a second a appreciate the irony of her last name? i was young when this story happened so i don't remember if the media took advantage of the puns that were up for grabs).
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moving on from penile excision (remind me to tell you a HILARIOUS vincent family story about just that...seriously) straight to crafty knick-nacks. i bought this book last weekend. it's 101 little projects you can do with just one yard of fabric. it's a step up from just sewing fabric onto other things like my burp cloths and onesies have been and a step to the side of making baby hats and pants. this is taking a yard of fabric and turning it into any number (actually the number is 101 for now) of things.


i have flagged a bunch of projects that look fun/doable. i can honestly say that several of these tabs are specifically for some of you that i have in mind as gifts! get excited...NOW!

i stocked up on 50% off fabric at joann yesterday at lunch and promptly left it all in it's bag at the counter. so i got home with lots of sewing accessories, but nothing to actually sew upon. so (hahaha sew/so never gets old) i ghetto-rigged one of the patterns to work with a half yard that i already had. it cant be a good sign that i am already improvising on project #1 of 100. however i am freaking pumped to say that it turned out awesome.
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its a car trash can! i have always kind of laughed at the sewing books when they tell me to "press" the seams and fabric as i go. i mean, i don't even iron clothes that i wear, so do you really expected me to iron a trash bag? however, this time i obeyed and my lines are scrum-diddly-umptious as a result. so crisp. so clean. sew keight. (copyrighted tagline)


that's not pink in the pattern and the trim, it's actually cherry-red, just like our car (which is named shotty fire burnin' weasley, FYI)

y'all, it has a strap and a pocket and a parachute clip! and use; sweet heavens, the use! man oh man, the garbage i am gonna STUFF into this thing! and i can stuff as vigorously as i like because i zig-zag reinforced my seam allowances and box stitched the straps in place (can't even believe i just wrote that sentence). i think the first thing i am gonna vigorously stuff in here are my husband's [metaphorical] nads when we finish this fight!

1.21.2010

change of clothes

question: what do you get when daddy forgets to send the diaper bag to school and judah has a blowout during the day?


answer: whatever they have at the preschool for him to wear!

follow-up question: what do you do when you come home and find him dressed in huge, albeit adorable little couch potato duds?


answer: you get yourselves dressed exactly like him and take pictures, duh! (and then judah gets high evidently)


putting out the vibe works better withOUT drool on your chin, judah bug...just for future reference. (thats a SYTYCD rerun playing in the background, not erotica)


" you talkin' to me?"



and then i made this whale burp cloth and i love it. the end.

1.20.2010

never the last

if you recall, my gramps is fred. he is 95. i love him lots of lots of lots. for his last bday i wrote him 95 reasons why i love him. we went to hang out with him last weekend in his new geriatric swingers community (senior living complex). we met a sweet little blonde raisin of a lady in the elevator on the way up who asked me if i was "martha's daughter." martha is fred's sister and is in her seventies. SWISH! motherhood must look really foxy on me. she also said that they keep trying to get fred to come to lunch or dinner in the cafeteria but he never comes out and socializes.
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this is sad to me. fred is still mentally agile and tons of fun to be around. he has lots to give and it sucks bedpan that he has become the shady old recluse of the complex who never comes out of his hermitage.
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so sweet! check out judah's fly. luckily with diapers there's no chance of the judah-worm making a surprise emergence. i am gonna hand the blame for this one over to big daddy and g-ma (my parents) since he had spent the night before at their house and this was on their watch.
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fred married my dad's mom after my biological grandfather died. this was in the 70's, so even though he's my dad's stepfather there is nothing "step" about his grampitude to me. fred was a good 10 years older than my grandmother and probably never would have guessed that he would outlive her by 15 years (and counting). i believe he would have gone to see jesus right along with her if he had been given the choice. but he wasn't. he's had to stay.

what do you do with that? he's 95, has 2 wives waiting for him in heaven along with countless friends and relatives and his body is slowly crapping out on him while his brain is still very aware of what's going on. how can i wish for him to stay longer? isn't that selfish of me? i know i will cry when fred dies. i don't want him to die. i will miss him and wish that judah and the rest of my kids could have known him like i did. but that's all for me. for him, i want fred to go home. to run and not get tired instead of shuffling behind a walker in constant pain. to spend his days staring at the wonder of god instead of reruns on the game show network. to be whole instead of broken; uplifted instead of fallen; in light instead of darkness.

it just seems unfair. we all want to live a long time and lots of years, but if you get that wish then you also get the pleasure of burying your entire generation and being the last one. while fred is far from alone, i imagine that he feels a little left behind. marooned here on earth while all of his contemporaries and many of his loved ones have moved on. it's such a mind job. i don't know how he doesn't just think about it all day long. maybe he does. 100,000 dollar pyramid is a good show, but maybe not that good.

everybody gets worked up over a younger person dying. people lost their shit because michael jackson "was taken" so young. he was 50. i mean if i could go at 50 and be the first one of my whole family, i might take that offer. i'd never have to see anyone i loved die before me and bonus: i get to be with jesus forever. win-win. if you believe what jesus said then death is only tragic to us who are left behind. if jesse or judah died i would be wrecked beyond belief and would cry millions of tears for decades. but none for them...all for me, and just for now.

so every time i get to see fred i make sure i tell him i love him lots of times and talk about all the fun memories we have together. i always take a picture of him and judah; you know: just in case...just for me. all of these encounters full of love are tinged with a constant question "is this the last time i will see him?" i am thrilled by the fact that no matter what happens, the answer is: no.

1.19.2010

get crafty for haiti

i know i already posted about our chosen method of giving money to haiti, but i just keep hearing about cool ways to get involved. one of my most favoritest crafty/hippie/mommy bloggers, totally smitten mama, just did a post about this and i am loving it! there's an organization called craft hope that helps all sorts of people/places and they have set up a store on etsy (like ebay for crafts) just for haiti earthquake relief. crafty people are donating their crafty items to be sold and 100% of the proceeds are going to doctors without borders for haiti.
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this is cool because you can give money and get a cool, tangible reminder of the suffering that has gone on and the hope that remains in return. and if you don't have money you can STILL give by donating something you have made to be sold (the deadline for donating the crafts is tomorrow night...see crafthope.com for details on how to give your handmade items).
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if you don't have anything to craft yourself, check out the store (click the birdie below or on my sidebar) and buy something cool for yourself and know that you are really giving love and care to someone that seriously needs it. there are tons of things to buy, not just baby stuff; a tom selleck throw pillow was sold earlier! they have already sold $10,000 worth of crafts with all the money going to help haiti.
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in a cool twist, i bought something created and donated by my blogfriend, (not that she knows me, ha, i wish.) totally smitten mama herself! its the shirt below and should fit judah next summer. so essentially $15 just went to help send a doctor to help someone in haiti because totally smitten mama spent some time creating this little t-shirt way up in new england that was sold by craft hope in texas that was then bought by me here in georgia. cool!

1.18.2010

just give me a reason

i am pretty much looking for an excuse to slack off. while i REALLY enjoy blogging once i start a post, getting up the motivation to start one some days simply eludes me. i guess you could say i have a hard time getting it up...the post of course. so i added a poll right over there ----> to see what you think.

see, i follow LOTS of blogs and sometimes the ones that post more than once a day (like 8-12 posts weekly)--while always rewarding when i check in and have a new post waiting to be read-- are hard to keep up with (but this could be simply because i'm so bloggily promiscuous). i never really feel all the way caught up since missing 2 or 3 days means having to read 6 posts the next time i stop by in order to avoid missing some. as a reader i think i like to be left wanting more just a bit. plus, this makes me explore the older posts of these bloggers while i wait for their newest one. but i also hate it when my favorite bloggers go MIA for days at a time and leave me feeling like an abandoned tamagotchi pet surrounded by my own "hershey's kisses" of boredom and despair.

yep, for real

while i HIGHLY doubt any of you go quite to such extremes over this place i would still like to hit the magic number ("seven, seven, SEVEN!" friends, anyone?) and avoid pissing anyone off. as such, i am throwing up a new poll to find out the ideal number of weekly posts for y'all to avoid overexposure yet stay connected. i didn't make "zero...zip it you harpy!" a response because ha, ha you're already here so that's one at least. tell me what you think...i'm a pleaser!

more makings

another of the home made stencils. sometimes judah likes to get dressed up. now he's prepared for every black-tie occasion


my first ever applique. i used scrap fabric from old burpcloth projects and cut these shapes out then machine stitched around them. it was hard navigating the sewing machine around the nooks of the branches!

jo-ann was having a stupid sale where simplicity patterns were only 99 cents. usually these are like 17 bucks each. so i stocked up even though this is out of my league for right now. i got patterns to make baby shoes, kitchen decor, throw pillows, wallets, make up bags and plenty of other stuff. also on my list of new crafts to try is dyeing. try to contain your excitement.

1.15.2010

$0 diversions

times are tough. the economy is in the dump and cliches abound. we are doing our best to keep giving, saving and living responsibly. finding entertainment that doesn't cost money or involve 3 hours of TV can be a challenge. here are some of our recent attempts to frugally wring a a few drops of magic out of the drudgery of weeknights during the middle of winter on zero cash with an infant along for the ride.

"is this safe?"

turn baby loose on high and unstable new pieces of furniture and photograph his progress. this is an adrenaline rush because you either end up proud of the baby for hanging on and standing up for so long or with a scuffed camera from flinging it down to snatch baby from his 9.8 newton-meter per second free fall descent towards the carpet. which will it be?!?!?!


my son is sitting on t-shirts i wore when i was 14: mindjob...little did i know
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turn a boring thursday night dinner of salad, chicken breast and mashed potatoes into a candlelit family picnic du foyer. a quilt is a more acceptable alternative to a drop cloth for catching all the food that escapes our gaping pie holes as we shovel it in and yap at each other. notice judah reaching for the flame. at what age is it okay for me to let him grab it to learn his lesson? according to jesse, 7.5 months is too early. i was ready...this is basic survival skills, people; the sooner he learns, the better. i am a proponent of tough and blistered love.
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"yeah...i'm in a band"
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and my personal favorite: since his hair is reaching richard simmons' proportions and we can't find a haircut coupon or good deal right now we decided to at least get some entertainment out of the bushman situation while it's here so we straightened husbo's hair. i begged him to let me post this on here. he's such a good sport. even though it forces him spend more time on his hair (2 min) per day than i do (34 seconds), i DEFINITELY appreciate his abundant curls after this emo-tastic display of straight hair. he was super sleep-deprived at this moment too, i didn't put paleface makeup on him in case you were wondering. it adds to the overall look though.

1.14.2010

thanks AGAIN, don

well, donald miller has done it again for me. he has found a way to take what's on my heart and mind and say it in a more profound, clear and christlike way than i ever could. mere days after i wrote about feeling so adrift in this life and wanting to make my story about more than surviving (hello, blog title?) i read his AMAZING book. it was like feeling so proud of myself for finally being able to see the color blue and then watching what van gogh could do with that same color as he painted starry night.
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well i just posted this sentiment on my facebook wall about pat robertson's recent comments on the haiti earthquake, in which he postulates that god is punishing haiti for a pact they made with the devil in the 1800's:
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love it when people drop jesus' name for him; sure he really appreciates it too. plus you know, his main thing was giving people just what they deserve...oh wait.

bonus:, if i say someone's misfortune was caused by their "pact with the devil" then i'm allowed to do nothing to help and call it righteousness. 100% biblical.
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and then i come here and i see in my favorite blogs sidebar that donald has just written something on the same topic in his blog too. i am all excited to hear him lay the smack down on robertson with more smarmy and zing-worthy wit than i could muster. but once again he has done it right, and better and more gracefully than me. check it out. (it's short)
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i guess i would say that i am pretty liberal as it's defined culturally, politically, religiously. but jesse likes to define our worldview in a more accurate way that i just LOVE: we are conservative with truth and liberal with love. my take on the bible is that jesus feels the exact same way. so it's really important to me to try (and i fail miserably at this usually) to keep my mouth shut on statements and judgements that i am not positive are solidly grounded in biblical truth and to be overly abundant with my love. i am far from the authority on truth and am unlikely to ever get it completely right according to god's perspective, but i know i can be right 100% of the time when i choose to love people and give them grace. every single time.
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i am incredibly tolerant of almost everyone: conservatives, hippies, atheists, pagans, republicans, satanists (not implying these are related in any way!). anyone can express what they believe in and stand for around me without pissing me off. but i get ex-tuh-ream-muh-lee upset when people start dropping supposed truths in other people's names. specifically for jesus.
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i feel like most of my friends and family who are turned off by the idea of jesus, when they express to me what they know/have heard about him, tend to have been sold a cheap off-brand version of him that is far from the actual jesus who is in the gospels, at least as i have interpreted them. often they haven't gotten this idea from what they have read in the bible or from firsthand encounters with his love, but from christians who are doing incorrect and loud PR in his name. PR that is frequently condemning, scornful and hateful. there aren't a lot of times that i can remember jesus reacting in this manner, even when confronted with outright sin, so it is frustrating that this is a dominant message that non jesus-lovers hear loud and clear from those of us who do love him. since they aren't familiar with his love and truth they can't discern the person screaming jesus' name to garner authority for their judgements/power/hatred from the other person who is whispering the same name in peace and kindness and forgiveness over them.
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this sucks. i wish there was another word for the person's name you wanted to drop when you needed the backing of a vengeful and condemning force and that you could only use the name "jesus" in messages of authentic love and grace. that way everyone out there could know when we were being for real and telling them about our peaceful, adoring, revolutionary of a father versus when we are really just screaming the evidence of our own desperate need for his grace.
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i guess the fact is that there aren't two types of people and one group sends the true message all the time and the other group is just pure ass-hats and you're either one or the other. i think it's that i have both types warring in me all the time and more often than not i give in to desire to use my god as a hammer to beat the snot out of people who don't agree with me or as justification for how my brokenness has hurt others. but sometimes, just sometimes, the true name of christ manages to escape from my heart and avoid getting mangled by my own agenda, and it communicates a message that is true because it is love and it speaks louder than my screeching self-righteous rants and hits harder than my hammer ever could.
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so i am probably going against my whole shhhh on judgement loud on grace philosophy by having this mini-rant about robertson's comments. but i also 100% agree with don that pat robertson would be better served by me loving him than by me getting pissed at him and letting him have it (something tells me he won't be hurting for takers there). so i am choosing to do the former. it's likely that the louder i am screaming jesus' name at people, the less they are hearing about who he really is. craaaaaaaaaaaap.


me and don in november. i was awkward

national delurker day!

apparently it's a real thing and it's today, people! this is the official day when we are supposed to step out of the shadows of the blogs we read without ever commenting or following or having any presence in and make some noise.
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so if you're here and i don't know you or have no idea that you've ever read one word of this blog i would love to meet/hear from you...seriously even if we share no common friends or if you found me by googling "shut up mega-bitch" or if you were my 7th grade nemesis (hi, JM!). i have made several great buddies through the lurking creepster--->outed follower transition (both mine and theirs). recently i was really excited to find out that several of my long lost friends actually stop by putapuredukes occasionally (looking at you susan, mariah, ashley and katy!) and have dropped me a comment or message and it pretty much made my day.

click the pic and scroll down to read an explanation if you think i'm making it up
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in my head we get hits here almost solely thanks to the interest and clicking of me & jesse, our moms (my mom has the lowest comment-to-page views ratio EVER at zero to thousands so she is the ultimate lurker...i see you in that dark alley, genia!) and, of course, lena. and i'm pretty sure people only became official followers to shut up my self-promotion (ha! nice try). but i promise it's not self-promotion (this time). i don't get anything out of more hits or comments or followers besides a little self-esteem plus the information, wisdom, hilarity, encouragement, helpful tips and new perspective that you leave on the things i am screeching about. i definitely don't do this just hear myself talk and clear out my mental gutters (where my mind is, often). i am interested to hear other ideas, opinions, fact, or random side stories about anything you have to say. for reals. i want this to be a conversation more than a stream of consciousness. that sounds super touchy-feely...sorry. i am not trying to get in your pants.
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i certainly lurk on several blogs (on my favorites sidebar and other super secret ones) and i am going to go "come out" and comment or officially follow them in honor of the "holiday" and so that i am not a raging hypocrite (i'm nervous!). and while i'm in the spirit of coming out, i will say that i am officially, if begrudgingly, on twitter--which i am still very clueless and intimidated about--but i will add that link to the blog in case you are a tweeterer (?...twite? tweetledum? twatface?) yourself.
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so there. picture me with a handful of juicy acorns trying to sweetly lure frightened baby squirrels from the shady boles of the oak trees. i am standing really still and not making loud noises. i smell like birdseed. it's safe to come out, guys. please don't bite my eyeballs.
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if you are one of the peeps who is a regular commenter: change NOTHING! i cannot tell you how much it means to me, seriously, my heart goes a-flutter every time i see a new post by you and i read every one about ten times. so thank you marisa, nat, tiff, merran, amy, linda, tatum, aunt jo, kara, brei, alicia, kristy, betsy, hill, mae, joanna, mary beth, erica, abby, mariam, jennifer, alex and jesse. if i forgot you i'm sorry i am stupid and worthless and learning disabled and possibly cannibalistic.
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*i have heard some folks say they have technical trouble commenting, and i think maybe i know what's going on. sometimes when i comment on other blogs i get a red error message when i first try to post, but then i just hit the post button again and it goes through...maybe that's what happening. we have now reached the outer limits of my technical savvy and georgia tech education*

1.13.2010

going to extremes

i should have listened sooner.
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my bloggy buddy hill hop hull was the one who first introduced me and jesse to the sleep retraining philosophy that judah mastered at 4 months old which gave us 12 free hours of sleep/sanity/each others' hotness per night! when she first suggested it my knee jerk reaction was, thanks, but hell to the no thanks. seminars aren't nearly as fun as those first 3 letters would lead you to believe. however in the end i watched it online and it saved our lives times ten million. more about that adventure here.
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so i should have trusted and listened when hil sent me another mommy suggestion back in the fall: extreme couponing. just reading that word sent me into paroxysms of fear and stress. i so did NOT want to be that chick at the checkout counter asking to speak with the manager so she can save 15 extra cents on incontinence pads (no, i DON'T have to buy those to play sports in ever since having a baby...why do you ask?). but even more than being a chicken who cares about inconveniencing other shoppers for 10 seconds i am a cheapskate; so i looked over what she sent me. i started having heart palpitations on the spot. terms such as "expanding file folder," "cross reference with your weekly in-store circular," "clip, save, file, and note every coupon in all papers," and "you will never have friends or a tan again" flew at me from the .pdf file. so i shut 'er down and didn't think of it again for a few weeks.
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then one day i was feeling extra mommy-ballsy so i decided to give it another try. i had had a few chance encounters with some other friends (danielle and betsy!) who were extreme couponeers and seemed well-balanced (as opposed to the ladies i had envisioned who kept their coupons in folders made from the skin of supple virgins). once i sorted through the hardcore vernacular i got down to the gist and was kind of excited and thinking maybe i could do this. (note: i shop 100% at publix and don't do the several trips or multiple stores thing)
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GIST (feel free to skip, it's all business)
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#1: only buy stuff when its on sale in the store. items' prices can fluctuate up to 50% from week to week. buy one get one free is the best sale to look for usually
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#2: clip all the manufacturer's coupons that you would possibly ever try/use in your sunday paper (subscribe first) and file them in some system (*if you are anti-clipping-everything there's an alternate method for doing this for only the items you already buy here)
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#3: get ahold of the store circulars with store coupons (like ones that can only be used at publix)
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#4: make a list of the things you need/could use based on if they fit #1 plus at least one of #2 or #3 (but having both is ideal since all store accept manufacturer's and store coupons for the same item)
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so that's the gist. if it's still really confusing or overwhelming, don't sweat it. little steps. that's what i did. i chose the baby accordion file folder for my coupons ($3.60) and started out JUST with grocery stores (there's a whole 'nother world of CVS type stuff too). i subscribed to the AJC sunday only edition ($12.83 per month...yikes, hope it's worth it) and then on monday i clipped all the coupons of products that we might actually need/get use from.
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me with my folder in my office. my proudest moment. gonna post it on HOT or NOT. my milkshake coupon folder brings all the boys to the yard.
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then i went to publix weekly ad and looked up everything that was on sale there this week. i made my shopping list based on what i needed that was on sale and that i had at least one coupon for. some stuff i just plain needed so i had to suck it up and buy the full price (my family will not wipe our butts with copy paper waiting for the cottonelle to go on sale). i pulled out of the folder all the coupons i would be using this week/trip so i wouldn't have to rifle in the store. when i got to the store i grabbed the publix in store coupon flyer from the front (there was only the yellow one even though there's a green booklet of coupons too, but the store manager told me "the crazy coupon ladies take tons at a time so we run out really fast." i gave him a "don't you just hate those bitches!?" look while casually putting my jacket over my magenta file folder with the word COUPONS!!! scrawled on the front). i double-parked the buggy and tore the store coupons that matched up with my list and a few more that were really good deals and worth a try (you could do this all before hand too).
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then i had at the actual shopping. it was kind of hard to come around the corner and see something i wanted but that i didn't have a coupon for or wasn't on sale. but since i promised myself that the first time i would try to go hardcore on everything except the stuff i REALLY needed to see if it was worth it, i held off.
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when i rolled up to the checkout i was really nervous. i was picturing myself getting into verbal altercations with the cashier and all store managers on duty attempting to defend every coupon with information about how my family intended to use the item, why we're so poor and need to save 35 cents (answer: because i'm an asshole) and my blood type. i pictured fighting for every sweet red cent. so he rings up all my stuff and i'm hiding my stack below his eyeline so that he'll like me a little bit first just based on my general charms and the tastiness of my ass meat and cheese items before i whip out the crazy.
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HIM: your total is $105.65

ME (handing over my ample stack): oh, and, here you go

HIM (NOT enthused): oh. coupons.

ME: (brandishing sword) prepare to die!
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but instead of leaping over the register to engage me in hand-to-hand, to the death combat over the legitimacy of my coupons he just scans them one by one. that's it! he types in a few things, hit a few buttons, but i am hearing nothing but encouraging little beeps from the "system" and none of the expected defcon 5 meltdown klaxxon sirens indicating that COUPON FRAUD was occurring. no one behind me was shaking their head or throwing copies of "six thousand cookie recipes!" at my face. it was all HAPPENING! then he said the greatest thing of all.
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HIM: your new total is $73.64
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that was when i had my first ever coupongasm.
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seriously, y'all. i handed him a bunch of tattered scraps from the sunday paper and he reduced my grocery bill by $32.01. of real money! right in front of my eyes! that i would have had to pay before i had those scraps!
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i was sweating and flushed by the time i left the store, my face glowing, eyes alternating between that wedding-night sparkle and shiftily checking behind me for signs of security hot on my heels. i hit the crisp winter air of the parking lot and lifted my long-ass receipt (a badge of honor for extreme couponeers) over my head and my face to the heavens.
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INCOMING SHOPPERS: i'll have what she's having
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my war trophy. notice my total savings were 68.88 because of all the sale stuff i bought before using even one coupon

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can't hide my love. (or my enlarged thyroid... in case you doubted the veracity of my story). yes i take pictures of myself at work with my couponing supplies while my coworkers are at lunch: WINNER!


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last year 319 billion dollars worth of coupons were issued in the USA. of these, only $3 billion worth were used. some of that money was yours and mine! so, try it. maybe on just one or two items at first. it's not for everyone, but sweet mercy it was so good that when i got home jesse was suspicious of where i'd been and who i was with. just my friends mr. clean, aunt jemima and the keebler elves...freaky naughty!