the experience of time, particularly during a pregnancy, is really interesting to me. so many times during these pregnancies i have found myself saying both, "geez, i wish we could just have the baby from the moment we found out and skip all the waiting," as well as, "i am so glad that it take 9 whole months to grow a human so that we can prepare ourselves."
40 weeks. that is a long ass time on all but the largest of scales. i love the old people expression, " i haven't seen you in a month of sundays," meaning enough weeks have passed that you could fill up a whole month with just the sundays contained in that time period (idiomatic explanation free of charge, you're so welcome). and a pregnancy is a whole month and a third worth of sundays. and man, it can creep by. especially on your first baby.
here's my generalization of how time seems to pass. the first part is really slow because you are so excited about the news that you just want to whole 9 months to go by and just have the baby, but you're also looking specifically towards getting to the "safety point" of 13 weeks where miscarriage risk goes down a ton. plus you're not really showing and most likely not buying a lot of baby stuff yet so every day creeps by fueled mostly by excitement, nervousness and a healthy dose of nausea. it's more of a far off idea than an around-the-corner new human and it can seem like it will never be here.
the second trimester goes by faster because you feel great and are starting to plan showers and register and set up the nursery, but still getting to live almost the exact same life as you had before pregnancy. maybe some of the excitement has worn off, yet you're not fully staring reality in the face yet since you are jowl-less and the baby is still pretty teensy inside of you. you are used to being pregnant and are putting weeks behind you with energy and ease and productivity. you are starting to feel the baby move and see a definite bump so being pregnant is enjoyable and not just something to get through anymore
the third trimester is loooooong for totally new reasons, such as the subtle physical misery that starts to creep in around 3o-something weeks where you are huge and have sprinkle out a thimbleful 9 times per night. getting out of a chair starts to take a good day and half to accomplish and the 3 hours between meals (aka "feedings") is an eternity. and then you hit a certain point and realize that the baby would most likely be totally healthy if it came right now, and you start to see every tick of the clock as prolonging your discomfort and keeping you from your new nugget, without tons of benefit for either of you. mental torture. you cannot escape the reality that there is a human inside of you as you are reminded by cervical stomps, rib-punches and spleen-kicks every few minutes and still seemingly no closer to the end.
there a bonus phase that i got in the hospital during active labor where i attempted to halt and then reverse time using only the force of my will, an ohmygoshness, WE can't have a baby, we're idiots! this phase is a good indicator that there is a real live baby creeping out of you right now and 9 months really wasn't close to enough time to actually prepare you. it would be good at this point to have a husband around who can encourage you not to try to hold the baby in with your hands and escape to the parking lot.
and while yes, this second one has gone by much faster because we have had judah filling up our world occupying, delighting and terrorizing us in the meantime. but even still, i remember not being scared about expecting a second one so soon because it was 9 whole months away and even wish it would go by faster. an eternity to get ready. ha.
when people have asked when we are due here's how my answer has evolved:
when we first found out, feb-april: "oh, not until mid-november" (while waving my hand in a way on down the line gesture)
second trimester, may-august: "the second week of november, i can't wait because it will be such cooler weather by that time." as in a "flying cars and apes taking over the planet sort of never-gonna-happen it's so far off" sort of mindset
september: "november 13th" with a resolute nod and big eyeballs that say, "yup and we're already in the 'ember' months so it's getting close. no need to remind me"
october: "the middle of next month"
as of today: "on the 13th."
that's right, i dont even have to say that month i am due anymore. i am exactly one month away from my due date today. odds are that i won't pass another 13th of any month without miss layla being in my arms. cuh-ray-zee.
34 weeks: cantaloupe. this fruit is not allowed in our house as it is detested by me and jesse both. the $5 price tag kept the pineapple away, but the 'loupe didn't even warrant a price check. is it me or does that fruit look way smaller than my stomach?
this was another successful covert publix photo shoot with me stealthing the fruit away to the greeting card aisle for some private time (creeperoni). i don't show the actual belly anymore in these pics, because that is just too much risk factor when my hands are already full of camera and produce. this week had a fun scare when i look up after snapping the photo to see a manager running down the aisle towards me. while putting down the cantaloupe and beginning to raise my arms over my head in surrender, i am picturing the headlines: "local woman held on charges of indecent public conduct involving self-photography and produce. shunning ceremony TBA." just before she gets to me she slides to the floor and checks the price on a ream of printer paper. SHWEW! i am free to roam the aisles with my camera for another week.
the boo's at about 5.5 lbs right now and we're at the point where she is so viable that i don't think the doctors would even bother trying to stop it if labor were to begin now. so there just a thin layer of membranes (yum-O!), 10 cm of cervix, and some vigorous pushing on my part standing between us and our girl.
i am having some brand new pregnancy symptoms that i never had with judah, most notably pelvic girdle pain, which is just as comfy-feeling as it is glamorous-sounding. for me this feels like i have experienced the most debilitating groin-pull injury in sports history, but there is none of the relief that you get from stretching your groin because it's not actually my muscle that is hurt, but my pelvis. from what i've read its because at this late in the game her weight is putting so much pressure downward on me that the nerves and tendons and such are having a hard time coping with the pressure.
this results in little episodes where i literally cannot lift my left leg, as is required in walking, and i just have to shuffle/drag it along behind me to be able to locomote. let me tell you the kind of attention a 8+ months pregnant, severely limping woman attracts in public. not the fun kind. "no i am not in labor," "no i have not been shot," "no you should definitely not be touching me right now" are the ready replies i have in my arsenal right now. funsies!
this is how we all dressed last thursday without trying at all. it's like a wardrobe representation of the genetic heredity of judah. stripes equal blonde hair, rage, and problem skin and burgundy equals kindheartedness, brilliance and a penis. you can see clearly who judah got each from.