when we knew

ok, since i almost got myself assassinated (by close friends!) for waiting so long to reveal the gender, i thought it would only be fair to give those of you who were in so much suspense the blow by blow details of our little adventure. the reason we had to keep mum for so long was because we had a rogue grandparent (who has asked to remain anonymous for fear of reprisals) and 2 out of hemisphere godparents who had to be told live on the phone and it took us a while to track them down. here goes:

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we got called back ohsofast by the ultrasound technician. it was me and jesse with judah asleep on his shoulder. we told her we wanted to wait to find out the gender and to make us look away from the screen when she was going over the goods so that we didn't cheat.

when jesse mans the camera at these events, he goes nuts. this is one of many shots he took , including one when she was tucking the paper apron thing that protects my clothes from the goop down my pants. not a good angle for family viewing, jess-ball

with judah, we paid out of pocket for an early 16 week gender/3D ultrasound. that one was all for fun and the ultrasound tech was super chatty and amiable. so that kind of blocked out the memory of the more serious anatomy ultrasound at 20 weeks wherein the tech is required to not say anything or interpret what she is seeing beyond, "there's the heart," etc. it was really unnerving. i know it's because she's not a doctor and can't talk to us about medical implications, but geez, her poker face and stony silences in reply to jesse's attempts at humorous banter were killing the mood. it was hard not to let my mind wander and worry about birth defects and things that could be wrong.

judah's first picture with his sibling('s skull scan). he slept right through it.

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we immediately saw arms and legs (always good) with fingers and toes and a precious profile. we saw the tiny heart fluttering away at 150 bpm and the umbilical cord that provides oxygen and sustenance to the baby until the moment of birth. it was awe-inspiring as usual. i forgot the sensation of having the tech jab my belly to make the baby orient. i know it doesn't hurt the baby at all, but it is so violent and makes me shake like a bowl full of jelly that i was dying laughing. the tech was not. so awkward.

profile pic. adorable

we left the ultrasound and went back to a normal exam room to wait for the doctor to tell us what the scan showed. judah woke up at this point. a few minutes later the nurse delivered a sealed envelope with "gender" written on the front. knowing it was in there and that only she and god knew what our baby was and that the information was under a thin layer of paper was INTENSE.

us: nervous. judah: thirsty.

"who cares what that baby is? look how cute I am!"

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the doctor came in, one of our favorites of the 4 that rotate, a good old boy tech graduate who cracks us up, and told us everything that they could assess and measure at that point looked perfect (huge mom-sigh of relief). and i said, "does it show you the gender?" and he holds up the paper right in front of me and points to one section and goes, "oh yeah, right here." and i flipped out and almost jettisoned myself off the table trying to turn away and shield my eyes and he starts laughing at me saying that even he didn't know and that it only said "normal" on the paper (always good to have "normal" repro's in my opinion). haha, good joke dr. r.

so we get to the car and decide to just do it there. we hadn't planned on it, but thought it would be fun to video tape the momentous occasion so we could share the moment of revelation with our family and the baby his/herself one day (and the entire internet, it turns out)! it was SO intense. every step from tearing open the envelope to pulling out the picture to lifting up the post-it was packed with anticipation. jesse was being so grabby and making a bunch of fast movements and i was getting so riled up and jumpy and thinking he was just going to snatch it out of my hand and run off.

a few notes about this video:

1. i am realizing this is a lot of peeps' first look at my new haircut. i did NOT realize this before getting ready that day. and by getting ready i mean washing my hair the night before and going to sleep with it wet then waking up, shoving a clip in my bangs and heading out. it looks like big birds' frazzled pubes. do forgive.

2. the part where i scream at jesse is because he had his foot on the brake and then took it off all of a sudden. we were in park and we started going backwards (really just settling onto the back axle). i thought we were going to record ourselves rolling out into traffic and getting pummelled.

3. i hate my voice and my face and everything about me. there is no way i really look and sound like that in real life. i refuse to believe it. in case your thinking, "god, that child and that husband are way to good looking to be with her," don't worry, i already know. it's cool. i'll be good looking when i am done making babies.

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so there you have it. you can very clearly hear me say that i thought it was a boy but that i think i really wanted a girl. if there was any doubt in my mind about what my heart really wanted it vanished in the second of knowing. i had the EXACT same reaction as i did upon finding out that judah was our much-hoped for boy: i started laughing hysterically and crying with joy all at the same time. no disappointment whatsoever.

this is what was "under the skirt." somehow this seems so much more exposing than when i posted judah's anatomy. fair's fair though.

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glad i have 20+ weeks to get used to saying oh yeah, this baby, SHE..." it's so freaking unbelievable. and kind of just wonderful. here we go.