i was really hoping that the next time i wrote a post it would be full of pictures of a new baby instead of the fruit basket of crazy-shrapnel that is headed your way right now.
i have turned into a total rookie. a clueless first-timer constantly second-guessing myself about the onset of labor. with judah, we had 100% convinced ourselves that he would be at least a week late, so i didn't jump at every uterine tightening and twitching. and of course, when my water broke with him 8 days before he was due, it was pretty obvious what was going down...no guesswork necessary.
now i promise that i know second babies can be late, even if the first one was early, but i was just so sure she was gonna be even earlier than judah. i mean my poor uterus barely got a break after expunging judah-bug before we jammed a layla-boo up in there so i figured the old girl would be more than willing to to spit this one out with little resistance. i guess my mind isn't the only steel trap-like thing around these parts. so, if little LED was on judah's exact schedule, labor would be starting today and she would be appearing tomorrow. remains to be seen. harrumph.
this is the 37 week belly picture with some lovely swiss chard she was about 6 1/3 lbs and 19 inches here supposedly
i have set off 3 false alarms this week. late friday night i fulfilled the requirements of the 5-1-1 scenario of "when to go to the hospital." contractions that average 1 minute long, are 5 minutes apart, and do both of those for 1 hour. well i fit that to a T from 1 to 2 am but decided that they weren't painful enough yet. so i took a tylenol pm and told my uterus if it could overpower the sleep aid, then i would pay more attention to it. it submitted and cut the chatter. i was hoping to goad it into a fight. i guess she's a lover not a fighter (though THAT tactic didn't work either on saturday night while judah was with his grandparents...hiyo!).
on wednesday, after finding out that i am 60% effaced and 3 cm dilated at my 38 week appt., i almost left work because the contractions were very regular and starting to get intense, but it turned out that it was just because i had had some criz-azy hot jalapeños on my subway footlong the night before and needed to deliver those first. not the ring of fire i was looking for. ouch and ouch.
then yesterday jesse and lena (who will be birth photographer, god help us all) both got another round of texts where i was sure my water had broken because i was experiencing "unauthorized trickles." but nothing came of that either. so i either had a small high tear in the bag of waters that healed itself or i have just completely lost all control and authorization over my urinary tract (not unlikely).
i mean peter didn't even get this many chances at believability with the freaking wolf.
so my new benchmark--barring an amniotic tsunami-- for telling anyone ANYTHING as far as this being the real deal is pain. ain't no way i am going to be one of those chicks who doesn't feel a thing until the baby sticks a few fingers through the fly of mom's jeans and waves hello. i may have gotten to 3 cm without any real pain, but i am betting 4-10 will be noticeable enough to more than compensate for the free foreplay. so no trickles, medium-hard contractions or boisterous gas is gonna fool me no mo'.
38 weeks, taken yesterday. appropriately since i had my false trickles yesterday too that i am posing here with: a LEEK. she may be leeky but she sure isn't leaky. 7 lbs 19.5 inches
don't be fooled by the fact that this is the exact same outfit as above with a different color shirt. that is what it has come to at this point. my maternity clothes are starting to not even fit and i am just giving up. i have 2 t-shirts, a pair of sweatpants and about 5 vests that make up the lion's share of my wardrobe right now. the possibilities are endless! if you see me in public, don't judge. most of my day is spent just counting down the minutes until i can take off my bra and my pants. though, to be fair, i look forward to that moment even when i am not pregnant.
i have a doctor's appointment on monday that i really hope i can't make it to. i have never been to a 39 week OB appointment before. here's hoping you don't hear from me again without about 19 million exclamation marks.