gut check

one of the young men we were supposed to start mentoring in our home tomorrow just came by to tell us that the other one can't come because he was picked up for violating his probation and will be in jail for 3-6 months.

i am having intense feelings about all this. terrified nausea is at the top of the list.

these two that we were starting this with were supposed to be the "good" ones. the ones with solid heads on their shoulders who were willing to grow. so there's your baseline. i had no idea.

somehow this development makes me feel like living this kind of life is both the stupidest thing we could do AND the best thing all at the same time. knowing this makes me want run screaming in the other direction and open our door even wider all at once. the running screaming portion is winning though.

a new hero of mine shared an awesome phrase with me this week that is pounding in my heart right now as I try to use this fear and unease to cop out of everything jesus has ever told me:

"do it afraid."

I have the afraid part down pat. working on doing it.

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