on chickfila. reluctantly.

throughout this whole CFA blowup thing, i have thought of my gay friends, and for some reason specifically my friend abby every time i have spoken, posted or prayed about this.

she just posted this on facebook regarding how the whole saga has affected her and it is everything i was afraid of and makes me sick in my soul.

i was so afraid as i read this that i had contributed to her feelings of disrespect and invalidation, so when i got to the part where she mentioned jesse and me, i started SOBBING. straight up, non-menstrual, weeping; water just shooting out of my face.

relief, gratitude, wonder, awe. for once, i feel like i maybe represented my king correctly.

i have wrestled with what jesus would have done in all of this. i have asked wiser folks what the bible says about how we are to speak truth to folks who dont yet believe in jesus.

the answer i've received: nowhere does it say we're supposed to call any nonbeliever out as violating a law/code that they dont even acknowledge as true (uh-duh) yet, but instead we are supposed to win them to christ by displaying his irresistible love.

i rarely feel love when it's preceded with a big, fat, loud, "oh, hey, your life is wrong."


and even with these peaceful, positive supports of a blatantly constitutional right or christian values, a hurtful or even hateful message can be conveyed.

whispered love is always more powerful to receive than shouted dissent. an unexpected love creates far more change than an expected hatred.

but the catch is: those good ones are so much harder to GIVE!

so i have clenched my butt and smacked my forehead and been nervous beyond belief as the troops got rallied. so scared that we would lose sight of our message.

free speech: a to the men! for everyone, please! you show me a black, gay, muslim old man who hates me and everything that i am, and i will vote, march and protest to preserve his right to talk about that (and to still sell me delicious fried meats). also, i kind of want to be his friend because, UNIQUE, right?!

but moving beyond constitutional rights and onto our behavior as believers: it's such a fine line between wanting to stand together and letting it become standing against people who think differently than us. and you know, i cant make that call for anyone else because, like most everything jesus talked about, it's not about showing up or sitting-in: it's a heart issue that is just between me and him.

i have agonized at how many LGBT folks this whole thing may have further alienated from the savior that i (obviously) believe created them, loves them and died for them.

and it has rocked me to my core.

so my constant prayer has been that we christians would just keep our eye on the ball. to not throw out the baby (love) with the bathwater (a political/civic commerce issue that we think deserves to be "fought" for).

if youre a christian, you may think i am a waffler, or some sell-out liberal dispensing a watered-down hippie gospel. you know, i am still working through the "truth" aspect of this as it is stated in the bible. i may never fully understand exactly what god thinks about homosexuality, but since i dont struggle with it personally, i'm not sure that it's my place speak with any authority on it.

dont get me wrong: no spirit of timidity up in here. i will speak truth and not downplay the less-PC parts of the bible.

HOWEVER, i feel like there are so many things that jesus talked and talked and talked about and commanded me to do that i dont even come close to getting right. until i grow much more in the area of whispering love to everyone in my life, what right (as a christian...not an american) do i have to start yelling at them about something i dont even understand and have never felt or walked through?

my husband is my hero. he is so wise and well-rooted in the word, and he loves people ridiculously. he almost always has a great point of view on these prickly situations that make me want to fly off the handle.

he calls himself (rather brilliantly) "conservative with truth, liberal with love."

this is one of his tweets this week:

amen.

i feel called to show others a new love that maybe they havent experienced or expected. i will always aim to choose that over screaming my beliefs at them (even if they are truth) and risking misrepresenting jesus' love, or--god forbid--communicating satan's message of hate.

.

yes, jesus got angry. yes jesus spoke truth. but he IS truth itself. and he didnt make signs or protest to proclaim it.

his story screamed the truth for him.

his life.

his love.

the stupid crazy, blindingly insane LOVE that he has for every single person.

do we remember that?

can we accept that?

dare we be that?

.

jesus gave up his right to be right and it cost him his very life. he did it for love.

was it worth it? was it enough?

i want my life to scream yes...yes, yes, jesus! your love is enough.

.

so if youre gay and ever want a christian friend...i hope it's clear, i'm up for that. i'll even buy your big mac.