5.10.2010

the bug's bug.

end of first trimester date on saturday was awesome. we went to the melting pot, strategically timed our day so that we would be perfectly starving upon arrival, and proceeded to chow down. and afterwards we swiftly made a vow to never do all 4 courses there again. just cheese and salad and maybe chocolate (or maybe cheese part 2 instead of chocolate); we are cutting out the meat entree. i love food as much, nay, more than the next girl, but it should NOT be a contest of wills between me and dessert to see who will give in first (i refuse to waste money). the end result is always me and jesse ending up in actual pain on the way home and saying "why? why did we pay money to feel like this?"
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we even anticipated the pain and asked our server to space out the courses really far. no dice. still pain. but we did enjoy the living crap out of each other's company and were completely at ease knowing judah was in the loving care of the dukes.

enough is enough, fatties, lay down the forks and back away slowly.
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on the way home linda called us to say that judah had thrown up. this was weird. judah has only ever thrown up once, and that was after his head injury to let us know he had a concussion. when we pulled up we found judah recovering while partaking in one of his favorite pastimes: riding on the tractor with grandaddy.
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yeah, i threw up, but look how happy i am.

we brought him inside and he then proceeded to throw up all over himself again. oh dear. that is just not a sight that two people who have just severely overeaten need to be seeing. at this point he was still getting rid of his bottle and dinner so it was projectile and painless to the little guy. he did whine a little bit right after but recovered quickly. we popped him back in the tub and rinsed him off, a pile of towels beginning to accumulate on the dukes' bathroom floor. we were hoping it was just something he ate and now that ALL the food was gone he would feel better.

over the next 3 hours the poor little bug showed us how misguided this hope was. sitting there watching my pitiful little baby wake up from sleeping on jesse to cough and then start violently retching was akin to being tortured. he had nothing left in his stomach so he would just sit there and heave and heave and turn so red and sweaty and lose his breath. we soaked about 4 towels with just his stomach juices (sorry). after a barfing spell he would so sweetly and pathetically give a little cry/wail and then fall back asleep.

the dukes convinced us (well, me really) to let linda give him an enema. they all swear by it. apparently the thinking is that it rehydrates him at an access point of his digestive tract that he can't throw up as well as forcing a total system flush, hopefully getting rid of the viral culprit sooner than if we didn't. even though he was clearly hurting and miserable, he was such a champ and always had a smile ready for us.

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i tried to take a picture of him being all pale and blah and as soon as he saw the camera he smiled. oh i adore him

apparently enemas were something forced upon the dukes kids when they were sick and, understandably, they fought them like grim death. jesse told a story of not being allowed to go to a friend's house when he was young until he had one and he ended up choosing not to go over getting the hydro-love. i figured judah wouldn't remember this anyway and was ready to try anything to speed up his recovery. every time he would start retching again i would be on the verge of tears just having to watch him wracked by such violent pukey spasms in his little body. i cannot even imagine what it must be like to have a child go through chemo or any other trial that would require them feeling like this long term.

the apothecary readying the supplies

of course we were worried that he would be tortured by the whole process. it was 10 pm and he was so exhausted in and out of sleep and he was sicker than he ever had been, so being brought to full awake status like this was sure to confuse and anger him. once again, the little man floored us. he just laid on jesse's lap and didn't make a peep the entire time. it was so sweet and so sad.

tiniest of creatures braced for intrusion


he must have been dehydrated because the entire solution stayed in (minus a few undigested raisins...when did he even eat raisins last???) until much later that night. we headed home with a spare towel just in case and braced for a trying evening. jesse set up shop in the guest bedroom with him and tons of towels. we didn't want to leave him alone in his crib in case he choked or something. the last time he threw up was around 12 or 1am and then he passed out and we all went to bed, with me in our room since i would having morning duty. he woke up at 4 am really mad because the enema had fully evacuated. we (jesse) changed his diaper and tried to settle him back down. not happening. he was irate. finally we gave in and decided to let him have some water and crackers. he chugged an entire sippy cup of water in about 10 minutes (he NEVER drinks that much even over a whole day) so he must have been super dehydrated and ate a few crackers. that seemed to be what the issue was. he settled back down on jesse's chest and just as i was saying, "wow he drank that reeeeeally fast, do you think that's okay?" he fire-hosed jesse's world with most of the water. it was hilariously awful . jesse was wearing a white undershirt so it was like the most twisted wet t-shirt contest ever.

heading out FINALLY with yet another new towel to try to protect him and us.

he was great the rest of the night until it was time for jesse to go to church. so i was slated to take care of him while jesse was gone. from the moment i had him passed off to me, you would have never known anything was wrong with him. he was really tired and took an early morning nap with me, but other than that he played and laughed and walked around and was his 100% normal self. so i started thinking that he hadn't actually barfed since about midnight the night before (the 4 am hosing i was attributing to drinking the water to fast and not actual sickness...rationalization) so it had been almost 12 hours. oh i am so freaking selfish and worthless.
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in my defense, it was my first ever mothers' day and i wasn't really anticipating getting 5 hours of interrupted sleep (plus p.s. i am still pregnant!). i was SUPPOSED to get breakfast in bed and then jesse taking judah to church early so i could sleep in. oh well. so i think i was already feeling a little gypped, plus i am going to claim that my judgement was impaired by lack of sleep. then i made the decision that has made me the enemy of everyone who had ever worked in childcare. i decided to take him to church for the second service to stay in the nursery so i could go home and sleep. oh i hate myself even typing that. i swear, i thought it was like a 12 hour bug and he was totally over it. if he had acted funny at ALL that morning i would never have done it. i promise. MERCY!!!
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i got back home and went to bed. at about 11:45 i checked my phone which had been on silent and saw i had a missed call. from the church. i about hurled right there. sure enough, it was the nursery, judah had barfed and jesse was leading worship on stage and they needed me to come back and get him. oh wait, they left that message 30 minutes ago. by this point it was too late to go get him (jesse would be done by the time i got there) and they had been stuck with a sick baby the whole time while shitty mom had snuck away to sleep and not even gone to church. oh WHAT is wrong with me?
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the rest of the day was spent wallowing in paralyzing guilt and perfectly clear hindsight. would the other kids get sick now? would i ever be allowed to use the nursery again? was i allowed to go to church or believe in jesus still or would that be revoked too? it was one of those things that seemed seriously fine on the front end and then looking back just made me go, "how could you have EVER thought that was a good idea!?!?!?!" i did write and apologize to my former friend the nursery coordinator, but i still don't think i will be showing my face in church for a few weeks. oh the shame.
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judah was great all the rest of the day and active and happy and once again we would have never known that anything weird had happened in nursery at all if, you know, it hadn't. when let him have a bottle instead of just pedialyte and crackers that evening and as we were getting him in the tub and as we approached another 12 hour vomit-free span, he let the whole thing rip again. projectile out of the nose and mouth. so sad. we popped him in the tub, then gave him some more pedialyte and put him to bed. we cranked up the monitor and lined his crib with towels, fully expecting a few spells. well, he was perfect all night, only waking up for a few sips of hydration. jesse is staying home with him today and he has been perfectly fine the whole time.
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i can say that i have definitely learned my lesson(s):
1. no using the nursery unless at least one guardian is ALWAYS available to extract him in an emergency.
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2. no putting him in anyone else's unsuspecting care if he has been sick with in TWENTY FOUR hours (not a sketchy, rationalized twelve hours, stupid keight)
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3. the days when judah is annoying or stressing me out but he is healthy, i should NEVER take for granted.
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4. being a mom means you don't really get a mothers' day when your baby needs you. deal with it, your baby never signed a holidays contract.
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5. being a mom is totally and completely worth it even in times like these and i love the little guy even more now that i have been baptized in his vomit.

6 comments:

  1. they don't sign holiday contracts?? crap

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  2. I'm so sorry you had to suffer through that girl...I had those same "thank God for my healthy baby" thoughts when we were at children's w/ her pneumonia...just seeing all of the kids that are there long term ripped my heart in two. We are blessed that our babies are normally healthy.
    Also that little photo of him leavning over Jesse's leg and that little but and rolls showing...though I'm sure sad at the time, is PRECIOUS!! bless his little heart!

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  3. poor Judah-bug and his bug! I feel so bad for the little guy! I hope he starts feeling better soon!

    You have prepared me for the bug. God forbid MG ever gets it. It is not fun!

    You are a wonderful mother!

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  4. You falsely advertised with a luring picture of chocolate-ness which looked sooo good by the way. Hope the bug is feeling better today :-)

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  5. Oh my goodness - I hope you and Jesse do not get that bug nor anybody else - ICK! Sorry the little guy had to go through all of that and that you had to watch. NEVER fun. I'll say a prayer that you all stay germ free. Hugs to you...

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  6. I love the adeptness with which you described all of the evenings' and days' events...don't be too hard on yourself--ALL of us have done stupid mother things which we regret! Judah gets the award for the Incredible Enema Champ. He didn't even cry once!

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