so happy so sad

it's 4:45 on friday 7/2. i just got the call that i have half expected for several years now any time one of my parents calls at a weird time. i was laying down reading and jesse answered my phone in the other room. thanks to our awesome cell coverage i found out that my fred had gone to heaven by hearing jesse yell, "hello? genia, can you hear me? no, keight is taking a nap, what's going on? who died?"

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without really thinking, i yelled back, "it's fred," like i was helping jesse understand the call rather than absorbing what was going on. then i jumped up and grabbed the phone from him as my mom put my dad on. all i could think about was that i hoped my mom wasn't hysterical and that i was relieved the past few years of watching him slowly fall apart and wondering, "is this it?" were finally over.

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my dad started telling me what all happened; from fred getting admitted to the hospital yesterday with a little pneumonia and heart trouble to the doctor's being surprised that he died so suddenly when it seemed that he would be fine and bounce back as always. the last thing he told my dad was, "get down here to this hospital right now and get me out of here." he was always a flight risk whenever he had to be in hospitals or the rehab facilities after surgeries. he hated making other people look after him and refused to become a burden. the last thing he told his sister, martha, was, "just let me do what i want to do."

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well, i think he just went and did exactly that.

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so dapper, such a stud. he had food poisoning at my wedding and was 91, but he wouldn't have missed it

that's when i started crying. so happy for him that he's going through registration and orientation up there right this minute (fred parks, incoming freshman, heaven: class of eternity). so sad that judah will never experience how cool he was firsthand or get to really have him for a grandpa like i did.

i love the look on fred's face here looking at his youngest great grandchild. this is on his 95th birthday last october

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speaking of awesome looks on his face...check out that smile. brought to you by dentures and love

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so happy that he is freaking with jesus right now and actually can see his glory and finally understand what the heck it was all about. so sad that i won't get to hug him again.

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twin 3 year olds, a 2 year old and a newborn. what a great great grandpa

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so happy that he is reunited with both of the wives he had to bury much sooner than he ever planned on and that somehow that isn't awkward at all (i used to stress out as a kid over which wife he would run to first and how it would hurt the other one's feelings. i later learned that it was jesus he would run to above all). so sad that his and my daughter's lives will have never overlapped.

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that would be me and my brother and our fred and mano (my dad's mom), circa 1988, making fred 74, damn he looked good.

so happy that he's not falling apart bit by bit anymore and that he is even stronger, more beautiful and more at home right now than he ever was while here (which says a lot since he was so handsome and lived such a full, happy life here). so sad because i miss him and his laugh already.

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when we were there for father's day 12 days ago, fred asked if judah could have candy. it was tiny snickers so we said yes and i grabbed one out of the bag and let him have a bite. fred was indignant, "keight, i wanted to give it to him." i was so touched and tickled. how dare i deny him his god given grandparental right to give the child candy. we set judah up for another round in his lap

SO SO SO very happy that on pretty much zero notice we decided to go out to his apartment on father's day to meet my parents to drop of judah for his weekly visit with them instead of meeting in peachtree city like we were planning on because it would be such a treat for fred. it's like a 2 hour drive one way and we never go out there without tons of planning because it's so far from my and my parents' houses and kind of depressing (old folks independent-living/loneliness compound). i think we've been there 2 or 3 times in 2 years. so happy that the very, very last thing we both said to each other was "i love you." so sad that the second to last thing he said was, "i hope i live long enough to meet that little girl."

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i could be wrong, but i am thinking this is the last picture ever taken of him. i KNOW i'm not wrong that this isn't the last i'll ever see of him.

oh man. he was 95 freaking years old and never lived under anyone's care but his own, i should be so lucky. he loved jesus; hated squirrels. i love him so much and am so lucky to have had him. i am so happy for him; so jealous of him. i miss him already but don't begrudge him a minute of time spent where he is right now. i am crying, but i am so so so so so happy.

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see you later, gramps.

*snapshot of everything i've ever blogged about fred before here.

naked banana can stomp?

here's a bunch of stuff that i want to share but is not cohesive in any way.

i hate when judah gets bad diaper rash (probably because he spends 2 nights a week with my parents and the shock of going from organic health food back to our fare gives him crazy poops), but love that we treat it by giving him a break from diapers and letting it dry out. we end up with a precious naked tot running around our house.

considering public streaking


what i woke up to: judah pulled cans out of the trash and was carrying them around like a slightly crazy hobo with his most prized possessions. this would never fly under my watch, that sharp edge makes me nervous! (no, he didn't get a real haircut, i have to trim his bangs every few weeks or else they get all crusty from him rubbing them in his eyes when they're long enough to reach)

week #20, she's as long as a banana if she stretches out. kind of sad she isn't a boy just for this picture because you know what i SO would have done in that banana picture

judah loves bananas (one of the few words he will say; he calls all food "nah-nah-nah-nah," but enunciates really well when it's actually a banana )and his sister i guess. he was reaching for one of them.

can judah point to his nose? nope. can he wave or say bye bye? rarely. no, judah doesn't seem to have many commands down yet or be interested in doing what we say (though we expect he understands way more than he lets on through obedience), so imagine our surprise when he did this.

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i spotted him last saturday randomly stomping his foot like he was leading a square dance. it was so freaking funny. so i got up and started stomping my foot and clapping and making up a remix to the cha-cha slide lyrics to get him to do it again. oh. my. lord. he soooo gets it now. we don't even have to stomp with him, we just say the words and he starts it up. we lose our minds every time and he is just so tickled with himself for cracking us up. this was the first time we caught it on film (that same day) there have been so many better ones since then, but jesse and i are usually rolling around on the ground laughing too hard to be able to find the camera and tape. he will now even initiate the stomp to get laughs out of us. oh man, this parenting thing is getting seriously fun.

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please note that before he decides to stomp in this video, he decided to do a little risque swimsuit posing on the hearth.

somebody like him!

back-to-back jesse days on the blog. if you're not a fan of his, well sorry (and there is something wrong with you). if you are, well aren't you lucky? (court, try not to stumble).

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this is a slightly more serious and awesomely talented side of him than yesterday's skatefest (still laughing) exhibited. i was doing something on youtube today and stumbled across this video. one of the first he ever published on his account (which is the one we do judah videos through), it's a hidden gem that he would naturally never promote himself, but that i wanted to post since it's awesome and the world deserves to see it and i don't have anything of note to blog about today anyway.

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he filmed this for fun to when i was 7.5 months pregnant with judah and he was songwriting like a madman so he was feeling extra musical. this may be one of those things that only his mom and i will want to watch, but i just love it. he's such a beast at guitar and i love his voice. plus i love this song too. he shouldn't be embarrassed since he is a professional musician (aka worship leader) and anyway, it's my right as a proud wife to brag about him.

isn't he awesome?