hey, third pregnancy much?
11 weeks here. i feel like the morning sickness (evening death cloud) is just about over. it still sneaks up and has a little fit every now and then but it isnt the ever-present companion that makes everything in life fairly miserable that it was a few weeks ago.
the sickness stopped at 10 weeks with judah and at 14 with layla. i know that doesnt *really* mean anything according to doctors, but i do sort of believe the myth about girls causing more sickness than boys. i'm thinking boy. i dunno, i just feel like layla is my one and only little woman. i always pictured myself with lots/all boys, so having another one of those feels right.
we considered for a brief moment NOT finding out what the gender was. then we got some self-awareness (hello, i am a control freak know it all...if theres info, i MUST know it!) and realized that would never work. i know its such a unique experience to hear ITS A BOY/GIRL! right at the apex of birth drama, and since we already have one of each the having clothes for either thing isnt an issue. despite that, we're just not the kind who can wait. for us, the birth will be its own huge amazing perfect day of getting to know this baby, so why not add another really exciting one where we get to know a leeeetle bit about him/her at 4/5 month pregnant to break up the wait a bit?
i can almost SWEAR i felt this baby move at 10 weeks. i know that is ridiculous to all experts, and even rationally thinking--a prune-sized baby being felt through a uterus? but i know what i felt! i remember exactly weird inner burble that is a tiny baby moving! yeah, yeah, you say, it's just gas. yall, come on now. if ANY mama intimately knows what gas feels like, it's this one, and this WASNT. this was a much more adorable BLORP than any gas bubble could ever hope to be.
i swear i gained ten pounds the moment i peed on that test. which is a bummer. looking 22 weeks pregnant at 11 isnt the funnest. but since the fat was CAUSED (at least in my head) by the pregnancy, i'm treating it as such and even if my gut isnt actually baby yet, you best believe i am stroking and patting it in public like it is. i figure there's a lime-size babe in there, plus enlarged uterus, a placenta and miscellaneous other swag, so they're pushing everything thats usually down there UP, which makes the fat have to go OUT. it's a baby chain reaction, therefore, yes i will walk around cradling my stomach fat like it's a treasured member of my family.
other fun things about a third pregnancy: commentary from the older kids! oh man. turns out they HAVE known the word "fat" all along, but have just never used it. until they decided to let it loose on me. and then there's layla asking EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. if its time for the baby to come out. if every one of her inquiries added an ounce to baby, we could have this kid up to birthweight in a week.
both kids are sweet and ask to talk to the baby lots. layla says, "when you come out i'm gonna dress you up like a puppy, and youll drink mommy's boobies." judah tend to say, "hey baby, are you sleeping?" cutting edge dialogue.
when we went for the ultrasound to see/hear the baby for the first time ever (aka to confirm ONLY ONE BABY), we had to bring the kids because of schedule and because of fun. it was another of my favorites: internal ultrasound(!) where i had to go bare from the waist down and judah managed to go "ew ew" in the nanosecond that i was undressed before getting under the sheet. freaking punk isnt the best for the old self esteem.
this isnt necessarily related to pregnancy, but in the same vein as above. the other night i was telling the kids we needed to take a bath. judah said, "are you going to get in with us?" because i sometimes do. i said, "no not tonight." and judah replied, "okay good. because i dont like your hairy bottom." and i almost died. i mooned him real quick and said, "excuse me my bottom is smoother than yours, are you thinking of your daddy?" and judah said, "no, on the other side. you know, your fur." resume death by mortification (and maybe a return trip here).
so yeah, i'm only taking baths with layla now.
speaking of that girl: she was waaaaaaay to interested and touchy of the fuzzy little mits that covered the stirrups of the ultrasound table. i tried to tell her that as a girl, she should inherently HATE these things.
that lil' number she's wearing is styled by daddy. the top is a 12-18 month sweater dress. the tights, per usual, have a gaping crotch rip, and the perfectly coordinating neon orange and gold sparkle flats make her feet smell so bad that i actually threw up when trapped in the car with them one time.
as for the ultrasound itself: word cannot express how nervous i was of having twins. i should have been weeping over the heartbeat or swooning at the first glimpse of my unborn child, but instead i was just like, "OKAY i have eyes on one bogey, are we all clear everywhere else? can i get a confirmation of just one single bogey!?!?!"
twins run in my family. though it's the only way, i will specify fraternal twins (identical twins do not run in your family, btw...its a totally chance occurrence and isnt genetic. so any running in the family means fraternal. pretty sure about that). the women in my family have a tendency to spit out two eggs in one month rather than just one and i was so so so scared that would be me. luckily, it seems as though my cousin took one for the this generation's team and will end up the only twin-mom. thanks, linds! better a hippie like you than an insane type-A like me.
once the technician assured me there was just one, it finally hit me that we were doing this thing again. this stupid, insane, miraculous, beautiful thing of growing a baby--OUR baby--and that it was already well underway inside of me. yeah, it was intense all over again.
and then with no warning the heartbeat starts thumping through the speakers, just declaring: OH HEY IM ALIVE IN HERE! AND I'M YOURS! and it was love.
i felt it a bit with layla, that weird quasi guilt that comes knowing you dont (and you'll never) pay as much attention to this baby, to this pregnancy as you did to your first because there's already a human or two on the outside for you to love and manage the needs and hissyfits of. it's not particularly unfair i guess (eldest child speaking!), because it's not like it could really be any other way, but this baby and the pregnancy are almost so easy to forget about (minus all the demonstrative public gut stroking) with all the blonde chaos raining down on us from all directions out here in among the air-breathing beings.
so even in that tiny, stirruped room with my oldest two crawling all over jesse and making crazy noises and being all sorts of distracting: one even brandishing a day old pizza crust; it was pretty to cool to see the attention and the awe that this little life commanded. everything just zeroed in on that black and white fuzzy picture and that bold PARRUMP of a heartbeat.
it was a really cool reminder and picture of how cool it is to be created. to have had someone plan your tiny beginnings, jolt your heart to its first beat, to form your little arm and leg buds from way back before the foundations of the earth were set. i dont care if this is my 33rd baby, that always commands and attention and puts the praise right into my heart. i dont think i will be too distracted to love and be thoroughly knocked over with awe at this my third child.