in defense of the selfie.

if you tend to think a selfie is always a self-centered, vain, self-indulgent way to fish for superficial compliments, this might make you reconsider. sometimes it's an act of bravery. 

if the lie you hear is "i'm fat/ugly/old/gross, and i don't want anyone to look at me," then posing and posting a selfie might not be arrogance, but rather having to faith to stand up to that lie.

at 31 years old and therefore in neither the middle-aged, nor the adolescent stage of my life, i still manage to feel all the insecurities and self-hate talk that ALL the women in this video express. there are times when i will not go to an event or out of the house because i feel so unworthy of being looked at. that is a disgusting lie, and even though i feel like i am more secure in myself than a lot of people, blammo, there i am believing it and letting it dictate my life.

the main stigma on selfies is probably that they are overused by, or somehow only FOR "beautiful" people (i mean the mainstream, magazine-y definition of beautiful here).  so when someone posts one, i will find myself going, "oh she must think she looks hot/cute in this pic!" so judgey by me. i'm sure there are plenty of instances where a selfie is posted to shame others, to produce jealousy, envy or lust or just to feel the temporary high of being wanted and affirmed by comments or likes or weird emoji rebuses.

but before we shame every girl who ever turned the camera around and go-go-gadgeted her arm to new lengths to capture a selfie, maybe we should consider that this selfie is of a scared little girl--whatever her age--daring to believing that her face was created by the same creator and with the same care and pride with which he painted every sunrise and hung the stars (and, unfortunately, in some cases with which he made ducks' faces, it would seem).

i tried to think of a way i could write this post without actually including a selfie of my own in it. there's just not!! not if i really want to choose to be brave. to declare my worth. to kick the liar in the gonads.

a dozen quips about my imperfections have been intentionally left out here.

ARG okay, nope NO NO NO i cant let it slide. was SO close to publishing this, but no. it's a matter of principle now.  that picture above isnt a selfie from today...i still wasnt feeling confident/brave enough for that. so i picked one i had (and liked) from a few weeks ago (taken possibly at the exact moment of conception if my memory, calendar, and knowledge of sperm speed serve me)! 

no, i dont HAVE to post a selfie every day, and no matter what i look like; HOWEVER, when i thought about those middle school girls in the video, those moms, and really about my girl, i just couldn't let THIS POST be one where i hid and put upwhat i judged as a prettier version of myself. no no no. 

minutes ago:

layla, if you're reading this: i'm worth being seen. and so are you!


  1. You beautiful rock star you.

  2. Tears sprang to my eyes at the last line. Then I got to the first comment and it turned to a smile. Thanks for that.

  3. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Great post! I haven't watched the video, but Iliya was looking at the post with me. He can't read as fast as I can, so I left him behind and made it to your photos. He made no comments about you, but right off, said of the second photo, "hey! is that a stained glass window?? Oh, no. It's just a bulletin board." That boy of mine. In his defense, he didn't know what the post was about, but I found his interest in the background of the photo, rather than the main subject, to be interesting.

  5. Beautiful! So proud that you stopped yourself and posted a "right now" selfie.

  6. Love your courage!!! What a great message for girls of all ages and your daughter!!

  7. Love your courage!!! What a great message for girls of all ages and your daughter!!