.
i cleaned out my closet this week and was pleased to find a few pairs of used, but really nice, nike running shorts at the bottom of one of my perma-piles. i decided to give them a wash (and, let's keep it real, a crotch-bleaching for curb appeal and general sanitation), and list them on eBay. i figured any profit would be a suitable reward for tidying up a neglected area of the house AND for gaining all the weight that rendered these shorts too small for me.
i listed them last night after the sanitation process was complete, proud to feature sparkly white inner-linings.
this morning i awoke to this lovely message from a prospective buyer!
so that's fun! stay classy, universe!
i am torn between thinking this is the funniest thing ever and the creepiest thing ever (i think i've landed on: BOTH). i am also wondering if the bleach was a mistake...did i unknowingly disintegrate many dollars of profit when i rid the linings of all trace organic material?!
maybe "women's workout clothing" wasnt the right category to list them in at all. but then, i never saw an option for "sweaty grundle essence" to list under to really cash in. where is eBay's suggestion box!?
for such a brief (pun) message, he really goes the distance. i cant decide if my favorite part is the "for me"--as if i would do this little favor for such a close buddy--or the "(uncleaned)" parenthetical that conjures up some levitical connotations.
i posted the screen grab to my personal facebook page and had some awesome suggestions from friends. from letting jesse put them on and take them for a jog before sending them (with a pic!), to putting some kimchi or dog poop in them and then shipping.
another friend jumped right to the logical* conclusion that i had perhaps nabbed a serial rapist (all in a days work...).
i particularly liked the one where i tell the guy "sure!" and then have a friend get into a bidding war with him to drive the price up.
however i am pretty sure that answering in the affirmative in ANY way (for funny OR for profit) somehow constitutes a form of prostitution (even if it's just in my own head), so i will obviously be ignoring this (and any future weirdo requests...in case yall are feeling panksy).
what would yall do? are you fully creeped out or laughing? why can this guy not get ahold of FREE dirty workout lady gear in his home country (austria)?
*opposite.
*opposite.
at
2:13 PM
This is TERRIFYING! How is there no preface to this request!? ("I hope I don't offend you but... I'm a sick pervert and blah blah blah"). WOW! Just when I thought I had seen everything.
ReplyDeletehahaha that's true. the lack of any kind of preface IS even more jolting. i do think it falls short of actually causing terror though ;)
DeleteWOWIE. I'm shocked, yet not. Its the world wide web of weirdos.
ReplyDeleteMy brain just pictured something I can now never un-imagine. Do you think it is just someone's really really really strange humor? Cause if you think about it that way, it is kinda funny.
exactly. if it's a joke...it's awesome. if it's real, it's a tad unsettling but still kinda random funny.
DeleteFunny? Yes. Creepy? Definitely! "Serial rapist"? Are you kidding me?!
ReplyDeleteIgnoring the fact that a rapist into "uncleaned" pants would just keep the pants of his victims... he is going about getting this in a completely legit (although still very creepy) way. Nothing that would point to him acting out in violent ways.
There are some big cultural differences between ours and other cultures. After all, in Japan, they have vending machines with panties worn by schoolgirls (http://www.snopes.com/risque/kinky/panties.asp)
So, you are completely right to not do this "for him"... I just push back strongly at your friend's assertion that this request automatically means he is a "serial rapist".
to be totally fair, i think she was being a little over-the-top on purpose, not actually lumping the two together (but she also has 4 daughters and may be a little unsettled by anything like this). i replied that there is a WORLD of totally legal, harmless activity that falls between the poles of dirty running short-collecting and serial rape (which is obviously not even close to funny or worth joking about itself).
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ReplyDeleteUmmm. yeah. You need to report that to eBay. This is the kind of the thing where a weirdo is doing all sorts of weird things. Most people sit back and go "what a weirdo, but it's none of MY business" ummm... ya it is. This is the type of person doing kiddie porn or some other thing that crosses the line. Taking a little extra effort in a situation like this might make one person safer. He might not be a serial rapist. .. but it is not too far fetched to acknowledge that type of behavior is usually connected to other inappropriate behavior that could involve children or vulnerable women. At the very least it is vulgar behavior towards women that needs to be stopped. Acting under the anonymity available on the internet does not make the behavior ok and as women we need to not put up with this cap!
ReplyDeleteyeah i did go ahead and report it just because this isnt what ebay is about. i have no problem with it personally, but i agree that it probably doesnt need to be solicited over ebay's channels. (and there are probably actual unwashed items on ebay to be easily found... no need to ask the seller of specifically VERY CLEAN shorts!). i dont agree about the kiddie porn connection though and am not sure how reliable that kind of link is, ya know? i mean a foot or dirty short fetish is a little outside of my sexual sphere, but i dont find it inherently deviant like i do child pornography or sexual assault.
DeleteObviously this situation was no danger to you or any child. I still think it is incredibly naive to believe that sexual deviances are completely unrelated. Although a clothing fetish in and of itself may be harmless, it is in the same camp as pedophilia when it comes to classification as paraphilia involving mental illness. No they are NOT the same, they shouldn't be treated as the same, but they are related enough that we need not "look the other way" when we encounter a less harmful deviance in a public setting (including public ebay listings!). I believe more harmful paraphilia would take place less if people weren't so wishy washy in standing up for the little things. Too many big offenders did little things for a long time before they jump to big things. They usually don't go right to the big stuff. Good job reporting it...too many people wouldn't have.
DeleteAm totally creeped at the personalness of it!! Seriously, who does that?? Don't want any random guy requesting my daughter-in-law's unclean shorts...Austrian or not! Let me at him!
ReplyDeleteAm totally creeped at the personalness of it!! Seriously, who does that?? Don't want any random guy requesting my daughter-in-law's unclean shorts...Austrian or not! Let me at him!
ReplyDeleteCuriosity says go do an advanced search on him to check out his other bids and purchases. Report back pronto!
ReplyDeletei totally did and oh man. it seems like we running shorts are new for him. he has many a flickr album with used old women's running shoes and stockings. there ya go!
DeleteOmg this is disgusting. This poor fool needs a gf and to leave strangers alone. I'd report him... just because it's so uncomfortable and inappropriate.
ReplyDeleteyeah just because it was on ebay i did flag it.
DeleteHahahaha! Why do I find this funny.
ReplyDelete"Vulgar behavior towards women, type of person doing kiddie porn, inappropriate behavior that could involve children" ...puh-lease! Dude just likes to sniff women's shorts. Everyone gets their rocks off differently. Buying them on the internet probably saves him from the embarrassment of asking for them in person.
Granted, I would probably ignore him, too. But no harm, no foul. Let's not get cray and jump to conclusions. You should call up TLC and tell them you have a prospect for a tv episode.
Agree. Let's not assume he's too crazy.
DeleteThis post inspired some great conversation with my roomates around the table last night. The big question- what would you sell your worn jogging shorts for (conditions: your identity would be entirely secret, the buyer is an anonymous stranger, and he/she has an undergarment fetish and nothing weirder).
I'm firmly in the $100-$200 range. But...prostitution.
Shoot, I'm not selling my body. Just my funky shorts. Name your price...I need fall clothes.
DeleteShoot<--- how southern is that?!
i agree. just because something doesnt fall into our category of "sexy" doesnt immediately make it deviant or illegal, much less indicate any kind of proclivity towards children!
DeleteSO interesting. i wonder what my "price" would be. i dont think i can honestly say, "i would NEVER for ANY amount of money do that!" but i do wonder where the line is. "indecent proposal 2?"
DeleteI had a similar, albeit way way less "intimate" experience... I listed my wedding dress on craigslist, and quickly got a response from a potential buyer who wanted a picture of me in the dress to keep. I quickly deleted the posting and promptly donated it to goodwill.
ReplyDeletetotally agree! the request itself isnt inappropriate, but it is what's unsaid...um, what are you going to do with it?!!? that makes the mind a little icked out.
DeleteI'm in the totally grossed out camp...this guy obviously has a weird fetish that he should be a) keeping to himself and b) conducting "business" in a safe manner (not subjecting innocent people like you to it). I'm sure there are websites he can go to that set up for dealings like that, but I think it's harassment him trying to reach out to you. I would report him so others don't have to go through the same thing. Nobody should have to deal with creeps on ebay! And he should know better than to use that site for his fetish. Also, even though his plea seems funny and not too bad now, he may become more aggressive if you don't do anything.
ReplyDeleteyeah i flagged it and then wrote back acting clueless, "hi! these shorts are definitely completely clean. i would never sell an unwashed item." no reply...i think we're in the clear!
DeleteThat is just plain scary. And creepy. Ugh. So nasty.
ReplyDeleteI'm in the "this is hysterical" camp!
ReplyDelete