reWORDED

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remember that time that i revealed my struggle with (aka hatred of) reading the bible?

it was over a month ago, and i thought i'd give a little update on how things are coming now that i'm putting real effort toward getting that lamp unto my freaking feet.

this may be shameful, but (yeah right, when has that ever stopped me from telling yall?) buying new things gets me excited for a new activity. maybe it shouldn't but it so does. having new running shorts  MAKES me more likely to work out. having a garlic press or a pastry cutter makes me want to cook.

in that same vein, the first thing i did after publishing that post and deciding to change my habits was order a new bible. this one specifically.

i like that its a new translation for me (NLT, a good mid-way point between the message's easy-to-read, paraphrasing and the NIV's more literal, yet sometimes harder to understand, interpretation), and i am liking it lots. i also like that there are no notes at the bottom (beyond VERY brief translation options sometimes). and i love that its small and zip-uppable so that if/when i put it in my purse, i dont find chapstick smears, dirt granules and squished raisins between pages when i pull her out again. and i like that the design is pretty cool (i mean, for a bible and all. i cant be too picky; i'm just grateful that my copy is 0% vellum).

the second thing i did was to take cindy's recommendation from the comments section and to buy Jen Hatmaker's book, A Modern Girl's Guide to Bible Study: A Refreshingly Unique Look at God's Word. jen hatmaker is a million percent hilarious (not something i say about chicks very often because i am stingy and insecure), and sold out to jesus. these are my prerequisites if you want me as your bible book customer.

while i waited for these gems to arrive on my doorstep from the dark heart of the amazon (seriously, they should get some domestic distribution centers, right?), i sat down with my hubface and talked about what we could do in our daily life to make spending time studying god's word more likely (since a lifetime of pretty much just NOT trying and waiting for the fire to light hadnt brought me far).

we landed on the super obvious, yet avoided-for-years, solution of waking up earlier. i confess: i make sleep an idol very often. for years...YEARS, yall, my husband has been waking up with the kids and letting me sleep for an extra 1-2 hours EVERY DAY. he is amazing in that way and knows that i legitimately need sleep more than he does. i feel like such a spoiled brat admitting that in public, but it's true, and while i've appreciated this SO much, this "extra" sleep had started to be a serious stumbling block to a lot of things in my life.

we started small though. the kids usually wake up around 7-7:30 (so jesse informed me). i get to work around 9. so formerly i would sleep until like 8:30 and leave (taking care of only myself...shame!) at the last possible moment. we decided to try both of us waking up at 7 every day for a week (regardless of when the kids woke up) just to see if i died of sleep-deprivation and to see how life felt after our trial run.

miraculously i lived. it was a close thing though.

actually not really. it was pretty easy and made it all the more ridiculous that i have been avoiding being a wearer-of-the-big-girl-panties for so long now. but dont be too impressed (as if you would) with my panties just yet...i made jesse a deal that he has to set the alarm, and then he, his beautiful self, has to wake me up personally, WITH iced coffee in hand. (i KNOW that he is too good for me, yall, but good luck convincing him). these were my demands.

so the entire first week we did exactly that. the first thing i learned: WHOA COFFEE! hoo boy, i usually drink coffee as like a dessert, and then only rarely. i get it now. drinking coffee in the morning = life. i can almost literally feel the first molecules of caffeine making contact with my brain and sending it into action. and i see that it is good.

study buddies!

the second thing i learned: jesus is on board for this.

how do i know? BOTH kids slept past 8 am every day that first week. jesse was GOBSMACKED (and i do NOT throw that word out lightly because it is very heavy). he says that not one child has ever slept past 8 for him, much less both of them for five days in a row! it really was amazing to hear this. call me the Nutty Confessor (please?), but i totally believe jesus did this to show me that reading his word is something he really wants from me

*it should be noted they have NOT done this again since...but they are made to stay quietly in their rooms until at least 7:30 so that we get at minimum a half hour alone with our bibles*

so i read the first few chapters of jen's (we first name tight like that) book sunday night before my first day of actual reading (jitters! i hope the teacher likes me...oh wait, he died for me and i am his child...i'm so in. yeah, nepotizz!). 

i love that she had a suggestion and example of a prayer to pray BEFORE opening the bible. to ask for guidance, revelation and protection from distraction. this is a very helpful exercise as it reminds me every day before i start that it's not ON ME to find something meaningful in god's word. it's in his hands to unfold exactly what he wants me to receive. that's a load off already and it changes my mindset of how i view a daily devotion from work i have to do to a blessing i am going to receive. straight up. 

she also strongly encouraged journaling. i have ALWAYS sucked at this, vowing to journal my life so my daughter can read about young-me one day, and i always make it no farther than 2 days. despite my dismal track record, i do love an excuse to buy cool school supplies so i scored a sweet graph-paper journal from target that makes my heart really happy. it has triangles and awesome all over it. it's the really well-bound kind that you can open all the way flat without breaking the spine. you dont have to feel the same, but i've just never been a big fan of spine-breaking, in general. 

first i went all the way through the book of james, and am now in the gospel of john. 

so here i am 6 weeks in. i'm still totally NOT that lady who talks about her bible like it's a secret lover. i'm not getting visions or stigmata and havent met a single seraphim (yet!). sometimes all i write on a journal page after a morning's reading is, "um....what???"

but it feels right. it feels like the beginning of a good work in me that he IS going to complete. so i keep showing up because jesus does too.

and, doy, bonus: life is a million times better when you get out in front of your day rather than hitting the ground reacting to it. i'm a better mom, wife, worker, crafter, runner, citizen, humanoid with my new, more disciplined routine.

standing ovation, please, for the 30 year old who learned to wake up at 7 am (movie contract pending for this gripping tale of heroism, in a world).

so my final verdict on this experiment-turned-habit? hold on to your hats, because it's the shock of the universe, and you wont hear this anywhere else, folks, because i am dropping a cutting edge truth-bomb: reading this bible is good for christians

blammo. *throws down mic*

dukes out

Viley Vyrus at the VMAs

*please be sure to read the comments section and my updates...especially if you think i am being too harsh (because you are right!). while i wont erase or take back what i wrote, i will apologize and say that i wish i had shown more grace and used a gentler, more thoughtful approach to how i was feeling.*


i watched the VMA's for the first time in like 10 years last night (not counting the comeback that must not be named). only the rumor of an N'Sync reunion could impel me to intentionally land my TV on MTV and i did so at my own risk by watching live rather than tivo'ing it. (PS, that was big of justin to let his bros perform a bit with him but i was DYING at fast he had them sucked back down into their holes of obscurity).

i pretty much already thought/knew that miley cyrus had jumped the shark and was really leaning in to the whole, "i'm not a disney kid anymore" thing (or rather, "i aint no mickey youngin', yall *TONGUE*"). yet, i somehow managed to be utterly shocked and revolted by her performance nonetheless.

i facebooked my dismay:

Keight Dukes

miley cyrus just gave my brain an STD. beyond VILE! gimme britney and a python ANY DAY!

11 hours ago

Keight Dukes Jessica  i would say to youtube it tomorrow, but it seriously made me stupider and disgusted and sad that this is what some kids are dying to be. if i had two free assassinations i might be using them on her and kanye. I JUST WANT TO SEE NSYNC!! but now i need to bleach my eyeballs and give myself an enema made of classiness to undo the damage.

11 hours ago

i am not going to link to it on this blog (the url alone might give my domain digital herpes--not to be confused with digital getdown), but you can definitely find it easily if you want to see what i am referring to (gird up your loins, because she is going to try to touch them).

i have never seen so little clothing and so much tongue in my life. i had never seen a 20 year old use a foam finger to fondle a 36 year old married father (not that he was innocent or unwilling by any means). the amount of air-humping, violent twerking, and crotch grinding/grabbing positively overloaded my sensors. 

it managed to go way past my (rather liberal) sense of "lol this is ridiculous" and land squarely into disturbed and saddened for miley, her parents, and basically the parts of our culture that say "yeah, that's what we're looking for."

so is this a new thing?

i think the last time i intentionally watched the VMA's as a show (and not just for one performance) was 2001. that year might not ring a bell, but i'm sure you remember one of its most iconic scenes.

even at age 18 i realized it was a tad ridiculous, but i feel like britney spears' huge yellow snake number was somehow a million times classier than the garbage i watched last night.

am i deluding myself? is it because i was in the target age group when britney performed, but have since aged out and am too old to understand miley's gyrations?

admittedly, i was asking jesse--who had turned away in utter disgust and sorrow--"what if this was layla!?!?" which is a typically fogey-ish mindframe, and, NO, i would not be thrilled with my lay-lay being a slave 4 U (or anyone really), but while i have a double standard for my pop stars and my offspring, there seems to be even a "too far" for that category (which layla is obviously never allowed to be in) and litte miss montana found it. 

i'm sure folks were appalled by britney and the snake and  "i'm a slave 4 U" (i mean, not THE most empowering anthem for women, undoubtedly), but it must be said that she could dance, she could PERFORM and i think that while pushing it (as is expected at these things) she managed to look womanly and still leave something to the imagination.

 i feel like miley ONLY cared about shocking. and last night i learned that the last three syllables of the word "titillating" make a WORLD of difference. 

it's bad when i find myself hoping that a 20 year old is on drugs and not actually making these decisions with a sober brain.

i am making fun of miley a lot, and i definitely want to put her in a very long timeout (and inside a firmly locked chastity belt and on a course of strong antibiotics for good measure); however, the main emotion i feel is sadness for her. and for all the girls who want to be a "star" like her (aka "horny alien on MDMA") and probably will have to sell out even more as they fall short of even that low standard. sadness that they really think of this as the best possible story for them. 

did yall see it? what did yall think? am i just painting my own generation as better when actually it was just as bad? am i just old? are we being given what we've asked for or is MTV responsible for pioneering new horizons of trash? is it miley's fault or is she just a product of child stardom? how the hell do i keep my daughter from lionizing this?

all this miley thinking got me singing one of her hits in my brain, and i was darkly amused remembering this line:

Hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream & a cardigan

Welcome to the land of fame, excess. Am I gonna fit in?

YES. sadly. please put your cardigan ON!

UPDATE: thank you to a sweet and gracious reader who reminded me to be clear on the difference between the person and the behavior. hear me: i want to direct my hatred, disgust, homicidal tendencies and cutting jokes toward the LIAR (satan) and the behavior, and to shower the hurting, confused 20 year old girl herself in love and grace. my apologies if that isnt how this post sounded; it IS my heart though, all jokes aside.

i feel very convicted that i wouldnt want a hurting miley to ever read this post and think it was how christ felt about her. i think christ would say: "i love you. YOU are enough. i have a better story for you than this."

(thank you, kai!)

better, more thoughtful perspectives than mine:

1. why this bothers women, particularly. (this one is 100% me...because i WAS like miley at 20!)

2. why we are so sorry for the life that got here here, but why her behavior really isnt okay (disagree about the best voice thing)

GE Appliances: $100 Visa Gift Card Giveaway

if you asked me about “brand loyalty” the first thing I would do is have a flashback to my last marketing class in 2002 and fuzzily recollect that if you're a business, brand loyalty =  good. This is the beginning and end of my knowledge.  (Dean’s List, baby!)

but since I have been a grown-up for a good 10 years now and have navigated the “market” (as it were) as a consumer, i have learned that I am pretty much a straight-up brand mercenary with loyalty to practically nothing but my own wallet/whims.

there is ONE major exception: Appliances.

when we moved into our Built-in-1990-and-it-shows house 7 years ago, we were greeted with a delightful (nope!) smorgasbord of wood-paneled appliances. how magnificent! we could have all the modern luxury of 1990 without sacrificing the freshly-whittled charm of Ye Olde Frontier.

I can still hear my teeth grinding in displeasure as I realized the beasts actually worked fine and I would have to wait until they were dead to upgrade.

thankfully the day came when the oven stopped working (though its built-in ANALOG CLOCK kept on ticking…seriously, am I Betsy Ross?!). the terminal mishap: I was adjusting a shelf to go from cooking a spinach dip to baking a cake (these were olden times before my children stole my home-making mojo and I could pull of such feats without pharmaceutical aid) and it slipped out of my hand, clattering to the bottom of the oven and somehow shattering the decrepit base of the oven. HUH!?! that can't be good.

so it was time to enter a new world sans faux wood grain. we took ourselves to the appliance store (official name) and bought the first one that was both pretty, would fit, and was in our price range: it happened to be a GE.

as soon as that baby slid into its parking spot (covering up the last vestiges of original wallpaper - pastel striped flowers!) and its Power Boil setting had a pot of water rolling at 212 Fahrenheit in about 3 minutes, I was smitten. we loved the sleek, contemporary design and the completely approachable controls (me no cook smart). GE Appliances is obsessed with learning what their customers want, love and need, and in turning out products that innovate new ways to bring it in all 3 ways.

in the following few years our old dishwasher contracted a terminal case of diarrhea, the fridge refused to freeze,  we added a deep freezer, we had to change washer-dryers to make a pantry happen and finally we decided to install an above the range microwave to maximize counter space. every single one of these new fellas has been a GE because of how happy we were with the growing list of GE appliances we already owned. Not a one has disappointed in either the design (so pretty!) or functionality (it’s like they know my weird, dirty family and exactly what we need).

looks like I found my loyalty after all!

GE Appliances spends countless hours studying consumer insights about appliances - looking to improve the design and functionality of each one. As I take a look at the latest beauties that GE Appliances has designed—in their dreamy  virtual “Kitchen Reimagined“— I can't help but drool.  Can you imagine the wonders I could perform in this kitchen?

that little "oven-floor-smashing-while-rack-juggling" mishap would have NEVER happened had i been working with GE Appliances' amazing double oven range from the get-go.  just think of all the times I WOULDNT have to get up off my butt to get my kids a cup of water because they would use that french door fridge's auto-fill water dispenser and do it themselves!?! oh the uninterrupted sitting I could do...

Who wants to win a $100 Visa gift card? 

Here’s how to enter:

Leave a comment below telling me, "If your kitchen could study you, what would it learn?"

Sweepstakes Rules:

No duplicate comments.

You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods:

Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post

Tweet (public message) about this promotion; including exactly the following unique term in your tweet message: “#SweepstakesEntry”; and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post

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For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry.

This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winner  will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected.

The Official Rules are available here.

This sweepstakes runs from 08/23/13-09/29/13.

Be sure to visit the GE Brand Page on BlogHer.com where you can read other bloggers’ reviews and find more chances to win!