medit8

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well, my big fat mouth stepped in it again. 

a few months back, i thought i was being all sassy and "fight the man!" and bra-burningly awesome when i accosted jesse with a, "hey, how come women never seem to be asked to give the communion meditations at church?"  

i sat back, satisfied with myself for shaking up the food chain and opening my husband's narrow mind. ZING! suck on that, you prejudiced chauvinist! i just blew your MIND!! time to shake up the establishment with my forward-thinking ideas!!

to which jesse replied, "would you like to do it next week?"

to which i replied, " uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." FRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG. 

yeah. so, bluff: called. food chain: nonexistent. foot: in mouth. player hoddwinked me good.

i talked the big game and now i had to bring it. so on sunday i gave the communion meditation for the first time ever. jesse was preaching (his amazing sermon is here) so it felt like the right time.

*p.s. a communion meditation is just a fancy scary church-ish term for the 2-or-3-minute little talk given leading into the time of communion. our church does this every week.*

i had rolled around some ideas in my brain about what to say (kind of assuming i would get kicked out for this lovely little piece of heresy before i actually had to deliver...i didnt, because our church values REAL people) but on saturday night jesus grabbed my cortex and took us on a sharp left turn into somewhere unforseen.

i know it was jesus and not me because as i typed it up i wasnt sure how sentences where going to end and when i (he) finally finished and made it to "the point," i found myself crying.

my own writing does not make me cry. so yeah. proof.

since i typed it out, it's pretty much a ready-made blog post for posterity and everyone who wasnt there and might care to read it. all you need to get full picture is to insert a hearty dose of voice-tremble, rushed speech and awkward leg-crossing up on stage and you'll know what it was like to watch me say this stuff live. it was WAY scarier than i had anticipated (and i am not afraid of public speaking at ALL).

it wasnt quite this packed sunday...but here's what it looked like. that glowing jesse man is where i had to stand. OH THE SPOTLIGHTS!

here it is:

when I think about my life versus his on earth,  i have a really hard time relating to jesus.

obviously the part where he is god is the starting point and biggest of our many differences. no one was more shocked than me when, at about age 6 I realized I am NOT the all-knowing center of the universe. right away there’s one less thing to have in common.

but if we set that aside for a second: even in his human ways i have a hard time seeing any of myself in jesus's story. as I go through from his birth on, I cant seem to empathize with much of it or even put myself in his place because it's just so foreign.

i am an american girl living in the year 2013. jesus was a middle-eastern man born in the year 0. in terms of how daily life went and the cultures we were born into, there is almost no intersect.

of course, I cant set aside his divinity for long, so when i add to the differences in our human experiences the fact of jesus being in very nature god and truth and love, it is almost overwhelming how the disconnect between us grows.

jesus never experienced the guilt, pain, shame and brokenness that are consequences of committing sin, whereas sometimes it feels like i am nothing but a bundle of broken pieces; shattered by my innumerable selfish choices and desire to honor myself before others and before god. 

john 2:24 says that though many entrusted themselves to him, jesus didnt entrust himself to any man because he knew our hearts. he was so very fulfilled by and rooted in his identity because of his relationship with the father that he didnt need to go looking for validation or security from the flawed hearts of men.

yet again this is so different from my story: i constantly look to humans to tell me my worth, and entrust my heart to earthly relationships and validation. and because jesus was right about what he saw in the hearts of man, my trust has been misplaced, so i have been wounded and damaged as i have sought my value in man rather than in god.

so here we are: me and jesus, both at 30 years old: he is god come to earth, his heart unblemished by any sin of his own and unwounded by the shortcomings of man. i am a purebred daughter of adam: sin-soaked and damaged from trusting myself and others above my god. 

and if he hadnt BEEN god, this is where the story could have ended: keight over here, jesus over here. 

but he knew the longer that i lived, the farther away from him and his perfection i would stray. and in love, he chose to take off that perfection and put on my sin instead. to give up a heart unbroken and bear my wounds, my shame and my hurts. to spend his agonizing final moments separated from his father.

at the cross jesus became like me. he gave us something to have in common finally: sin and brokenness and separation from the father.

that alone is a pretty amazing story, but we know there’s more. 

three days later he rose and said to me, and you, and all of his children: I’ve defeated the grave. sin and death cant hold me anymore: now YOU can be like ME. 

when i take communion and look at that cross i remember how he was broken, inside and out, for me and like me. i remember the power of his brokenness and blood, and of a king who humbled himself to be like us JUST ONCE so that we could be like him and with him forever. 

i got 9 reasons why my man is #1

jesse is 31 today!!! 

so very them. she: with the blurry loco. he: with the loving adoration

if you couldnt tell from my amazing Blue-Ivy's-dad remix title, here are 9 (because 99 would make me late to pick up my kids) reasons why my husband rocks my face and knocks my socks both firmly into the OFF position..

-that hair. marrying in your early twenties is kind of like buying a pound puppy surprise. youre thrilled just to get one, but how many puppies each momma dog contains is completely unknown to you. so at 22 you could fall for a boy with lush locks, and, barring some genetic intel from his male ancestors, you would have no guarantee that he will have all (or any!) of it by the time he's 30 or 40. well, i am pleased that my pound hubby (but not like that, ew) is rocking a hearty hairline at 31. i wouldnt love him any less without hair, but it's a nice bonus. love the curls, love the color. love it!

-how much he loves being a dad. there are good dads and then there are good dads who ENJOY being dads. i firmly believe these are different things. jesse is obviously the latter. the amount of fun he has with our kids is mind boggling (though sometimes very LOUD) and i could eat it up. if you dont find yourself smiling while you watch this, you have no soul and would be awesome at staring contests i bet.

-he makes AMAZING breakfasts. his specialty is eggs but he is also quite good at your waffle/pancake/french toast category as well.

-jesse is super talented at IT stuff. his degrees are spanish and international affairs, and yet he seems to be able to fix any computer/tv/digital problem that ever comes up at our house. i think he might even know what a subnet gateway mask is...be still my data packets.

-he has big muscular legs. this is great for 2 reasons: one-i like a thick man. and two: i have enough insecurities about my legs without having to see them being bigger next to my husbands. i know skinny girls who have that dynamic with their husbands because some guys just have the most stick-like legs naturally (and not unattractively). 

-he always pumps the gas/takes out the trash/feeds the animals/drives the car. i just like that even though these arent inherently hard jobs for females to do that he takes them so that i dont have to.

-he smells great. even his lived-in-for-two-days shirts smell great. part old spice and part just him-smell. even when he's "stinky" after a workout it's just not that bad.

snuggle in close, the smellin's fine!

-his musical skills. i am spoiled that i get to hear/see jesse sing/play guitar every single sunday as e is a professional worship leader. that never. ever. gets old or loses its magic. i wrote more about it on his 30th and just how much it gets to me. i'm awed by his natural talent, by the hard work he put in teaching himself guitar at 18 and how seasoned he has become as a worship leader (tuning a guitar onstage WHILE praying!?!?!)

-how he loves me. yall, this isnt like a "he's so in love with me" thing. it is sort of, but the part that makes me a lady gone gaga is how he has LEARNED to love me. learned how to bless me in my own weird, totally unique, freakishly-keight way in my role as a wife/mom/human, how to make it easier, make it fruitful, and help me mature. he constantly points me back to jesus and give me a safe, biblical environment to grow into the woman that god wants me to be. it took a few years for him to realize that it wasnt his job to MAKE me that girl himself with reminders or fights or pointing out my shortcomings, but instead to just give me loving, secure roots to ground myself in while jesus grows me. i coudnt BE more grateful for his work in that area and it has BUUUUUUUUUUH-LESSED our family.

i love you jesse, here's to at least 2 more sets of 31 years together! 

following up: ukreightons, lalabu and waffle

it's a charming habit of mine to write posts that require me to keep you updated or to come back and finish the story later...and then to forget to do that. (are you so charmed?) so today, i try to to tie up the loose ends using all of my rope skills (they are legion). these are actually all things that i asked for (and sooooo got) y'alls help on, so i crazy owe you anyway.

1. the UKREIGHTONS! yall, god went buck wild (as he is wont to do) and raised the money needed for travel and all three adoptions with a quickness! the benefit concert was HUGE and we sold out of t-shirts lickety split.

 the stateside portion of the family rocking their adoption shirts before the concert

greg and ann just got back from their first trip to ukraine. they have a court date and will return there on august 5th and then a week or two later they will go back again (3rd time in a month...you see why this was expensive) to GET THEIR KIDS AND BRING THEM HOME!!!

greg, sofia, natasha, ura and ann

2. LALABU they did it too! our friend (the inventor/designers) raised over $18,000 on indiegogo to fund the first wave of production on their urm-azing new baby carriers. i know lots of yall contributed and got in on some perks (i'm in for 2 carriers...because i expect twins?!?!) and i'm so excited that the first carriers are shipping next month. find out more and order yours today.

how she managed to reproduce the exact same pose again and again is beyond me.

3. WAFFLE! i still kind of cant believe we crowd-funded a freaking kitten. internet, you has weird. now i did post some updates on the waffly-boy that same night, but wanted to give an update on his medical condition here almost two weeks later. thanks to all of yall who chipped in we were able to take him to a real, normal vet and get him worked on. his side wound is healing so well and we go back for a follow-up on it friday. if all looks good and his fever is gone (from the infection) then we can get him snipped and vaccinated. this is so exciting because then he can come inside and live and play. did you know that boy cats whose change purses have NOT been emptied have a charming propensity to SPRAY urine all over everything to mark their territory (i am NOT charmed, nature). so yeah. he's been doing his thing out of doors and treasuring his last days with his jelly beans. 

 snoozing on a broom handle (his bed is nearby...he's just adorably weird.)  i love this tiny guy.

 he is so loving and clingy and affectionate. he follows all member of the family around whenever we got outside. here's a nice shot of the neuter-fodder.

in fact, he's so friendly that he decided to go INTO our dogs fence and introduce himself. we were gardening this weekend and jesse turned around to see waffle in the jaws of our first-born adopted pet, chopper, the huge shephard/chow/lab mutt. it was horrifying. jesse sprinted into the pen while i ever-so-helpfully stood by and screamed. my first thought: "NOOOOO I LOVE THAT CAT!" my second thought, "OMG holy crap, all my friends paid to keep this cat alive and we've almost immediately fed him to our dogs. how embarrassing!"

so waffle is either friendly, stupid or suicidal. lesson learned by us all. thankfully he wasnt hurt at all, chopper had just pinned him down on the ground and most of the scary noises were from him and clifford fighting each other, not eating our newest pet. waffle was completely over it and unphased by the whole ordeal, calmly purring away seconds later while jesse and i came down for our adrenaline hurricanes. 

hell of a thing, that food chain.

layla, disturbingly, kissing waffle's butt.

so there you have it. 3 causes yall championed and rocked. THANK YOU! 

is there any other post that i was supposed to give you a follow up on that i have already forgotten? (besides my failed countdown that never got past #10 and #9 and will likely never be completed).

getting fixed v10.0

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when we pulled into our driveway (from the car ride that must not be spoken of) after vacation last week, i spied, with my eagle eyes, a very happy parcel on my front doorstep. it took every ounce of self-control that i had stored up over 30 years (equivalent = 1.4 fluid oz) not to go and tear right into my latest stitch fix box before unburdening the car of its ninety hectares worth of laundry, toys, crumbs and other vacationary detritus, but somehow i resisted.

yes, youre right, i AM amazing. oh, a medal? don't mind if i do!

but, lesson learned, it was an even bigger treat to open this box o' goodness with dirty laundry already humming away in the washer and beach chairs stowed in the garage rather than still lurking in the van waiting to destroy sanity. maturity: i has some.

my firsty glimpse:

 stripes, florals, knits and emerald = promising! though i am enraged by the stupid flesh toned item in the center. hate it already (stay tuned).

let's pull those sweet babies out.

 loving the colors and stripes and cool split hem length, but am pissed about the mega sheer which is my age-old battle with stitch fix.

 love the saturated kelly green and the fact that the brand shares a name with a certain favorite fuzzy-headed friend of mine

mmmm. i am torn. i like the cut and details but hate that it's sheer and am nervy about the floral. dont wanna wear grammy's sofa! (more on that in a moment)

 a mint cardigan. so soft. i love it so much that i already own practically the exact piece. way to go stitch fix! (i love when they send something that i already had bought outside of their service because it means we are mad jiving on the same wavelength)

pretty pretty necklace! i am loving this hard because they put it in my fix after seeing me request it in the comments of their instagram photo of this item. mad customer service! (though i dont if they can guarantee that kind of turnaround on every insta-request).

so those were my five items. did you notice anything funny?!?!

anything missing?

the nude wonder from the first glimpse was missing!!! turns out i had received a SIXTH ITEM!

it wasnt on my invoice, therefore i assume FREE. and it kind of made me melt. it is a one-size-fits-most nude, spaghetti strap under-cami and it solves all of my sheer-avoidance issues. 

let me just say this is BRILLIANT of stitch fix and my stylst, ishara. i had habitually had a problem with a lot of my items due to the sheer factor. i will not wear see-through shirts without an undershirt because of duh, and none of my (mostly white with lace detail) cami's looked right under sheer things. 

i'm choosing to take the inclusion of this useful freebie staple as a, "here, beloved customer, let us care for you" rather than what was more likely a, "OMG this chick is a moron. someone just go BUY HER A PLAIN NUDE CAMI so she'll shut up about the sheer thing which for some reason is an unsolvable brain-puzzler for her." 

either way, though, right? 

it's perfect and as stretchy as Elastigirl, and it makes me look all nude and smooth under my sexy sheer stylish clothes (spoiler: i'm not).

so, with my bonus cami locked (aka tucked) and loaded (with abdo-fluff!), a whole new sector of clothes have opened up to me. let's rock this mother:

love the length love the cut, love the sheerness without the risk of navel-sightings. thinking keepsies.

behind the scenes extra:

choosy moms choose .gif

of course, what top model doesnt have o deal with this very thing while showcasing the season's latest trend?  but my motto is: when layla hands you banana peels; make earrings. 

number dos! 

i clearly have no idea what to do with the floral print so i just leaned into it and styled it as if i was on my way to coachella (i think?). side braid, beaded sandals, jorts and a sassy "maybe i'll make out with a sweaty vagabond/joaquin phoenix while i'm here" look on my face.

i had actually just removed "floral" from my DO NOT SEND list of prints in my style profile. this little fella was the first to squeak through under the new regime. it's another thing i would have NEVER tried on myself in a store but gave it a shot since the pros sent it to me. i like it way more than expected.

i love the color of this but the front seam that makes the draping action happen is a little weird to me. like i had open heart surgery while wearing this top.

FILLER: i didnt try on the mint cardi since i already have an utterly similar item in my wardrobe.

mi necklace! i think i'm digging it (atop my secret blouse of hilarity)

ok so what did i keep?!?! hint: it was more than one thing and less than the whole box! 

what were your faves from this fix?

My other Stitch Fix Posts:

fix #11 (post preg)
fix #preg

fix #9
fix #8

fix #7

fix #6

fix #5

fix #4

fix #3

fix #2

fix #1

WORD: my dark confession.

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i hate reading the bible.

every time i go back and read that my fingers want SO BADLY to backspace it or retype it with some qualifiers or padding that make it [and me!] look a little better and not like such a dirty sintence.

but i wont untype it. because not typing it doesnt make it any less true, and what i really want is for it to not be true and i think talking about it publicly and getting it in the light can help (not talking about it for years sure hasnt).

i've been telling myself and jesus for a long time now, "i just dont love the bible--like as a book i'm supposed to read--but i TOTALLY still love god's word, i promise, okay?" 

um...wicka-wicka-WHAT?  

yes, it's loco. it's like saying i love judah, but not my firstborn son. not happening. #logicishard

***ED: i need to insert here that i am not talking about having problems with the actual translation,  authenticity, or history of the bible and how it was assembled or chosen or handed down and all that (i did at one point but not anymore), but i understand that can be a huge issue for lots of folks. that's not what i am dealing with right here. i completely accept as a part of my faith that the bible i have on my nightstand and in my phone app is god's word and the exact and complete and correct version of  the story he wants to tell me. that's what makes this even worse!***

recently jesus ever-so-gently shook me out of this stupid irrationalization and told me that in fact, i don't love his word and don't really care about what he has to say to me because if i did, i would read the bible; would WANT to read the bible. 

that was a sucky realization. but i think it's better than deluding myself.

even since realizing this, not much has changed. the closest i can get is wanting to want to read the bible. FRIG, that's still like 2 steps away from actually opening it and reading!

my M.O. for years--since becoming a christian at 21--has been that i got the message of jesus; his the cool, hippie-love, upside-down, kind of counter-culture message. that was what i would hang my spiritual hat on. i didnt so much need the bible and could do a better job of showing jesus to the world without it. (this is actually funny and absurd when i see it written, but this is really what goes on in my head!).

i tend to think, "weeeeeeeeeeeell , the bible is kind of a drag and has some weird-sounding joo-joo in it that really freaks people out,  probably best that i just tell them about how dope jesus is FIRST and then once they love him, they can find out about the confusing scrapbook he left behind, but i dont want it to harsh my mellow beforehand." (evangelical keight is kind of a stoner i guess?)

i saw (and still see!) myself like michael scott, trying to get the office all excited about beach day activities and make them seem cool. but then lame-nerd dwight gets over-excited and way too into it, and michael has to say, "okay, you know what?  your enthusiasm is turning everyone off!"

i just want to be like COOL IT, BIBLE! i'm trying to help us both out and your enthusiasm for mass slaughter, menstrual-restrictions, pastoral parables and LSD-like prophecy are totally tanking my game here! just shut up, sit on the bench, and let me handle this.

since i did and do love jesus, i convinced myself that this was okay, but the fruit of this behavior has sadly been an immature relationship with my king.

i dont know if it is a satanic attack, selective ADD, or sheer ineptitude on my part, but whenever anyone starts to read aloud from the bible, within like 8 words, my mind has glazed over and i am not hearing anything. it's really freaky. even when i say, "okay i am going to LISTEN this time" within seconds i am flatlining mentally and checked out.

or how sad/funny/bizarre is it when a friend is sharing what jesus is teaching them lately, and they are like, "this scripture is just WRECKING me right now," and then they recite or read it aloud and i'm like, "....woooooow. yeah. mmmmmm. powerful stuff?" because inside it's like, *crickets* and the words are just hitting the brick wall of my heart and could just as easily be a grocery list for all the impact they have on me. 

the god of the universe who hung the planets and sculpted me from the dirt left a magic book on earth as a way of talking specifically TO ME and my heart, where i am, in 2013, and my response? i kind of just cant be bothered to pay attention.

or maybe it's a faith thing. maybe i dont like reading the bible because i just dont really believe? i can at least pretend to love jesus if i am never confronted with things he said that i have problems with or that clearly go against how i live my life.

the bible i have is a study bible. it has all the notes and stuff on the bottom of every page. when i do force myself to crack it open, i always find myself lingering on the bottom half of the page, looking for a theologian or commentator to give me an explanation of something jesus or god or a prophet said. if i come across a verse that doesnt jive with my view of how god should act (like if he's not being the friendly, hippie jesus that i have created), i'm immediately looking for a note that has some translation options or cultural caveat that will get me off the hook for being in disagreement with god.

i am looking to other people, and my own meager understanding to whitewash or put spin on the word of god. to water it down so that it isnt offensive or confusing or even challenging to me. 

by not letting god himself--in his backward-seeming, mysterious, spit-and-mud-in-your-eyeballs and cut-the-tips-off-your-sons-penises kind of way--reveal HIS meaning for his word in my life, i am taking the magic out of the magic book. 

how many times have you heard someone say, "i had heard that verse a million times, but it didnt hit me until...XYZ?" god is so cool that he knew the moment the scribes put pen to papyrus two thousand years ago exactly which verses would come alive to our individual hearts at which times and even authored how they could seemingly lie dormant (though visible) on the page until it was time for them to speak for him to us.

so two days ago god told me to get a different bible. to stop being distracted by the study notes and to let HIM speak for him. to let his word on the page commune (i hate churchy words, but it's the correct vocab here) with the word he wrote on my heart with the holy spirit.

he told me that he can speak for himself, especially to my heart that he created, ransomed and redeemed. 

he told me not to be afraid of losing anything of my faith that was ever worth having. that his truth wont wash away the crazy-magic-earth-shattering-hippie-love parts of him that first drew me to the cross, that his truth focuses and grows and matures my understanding of who he really is. it tempers, refines, and distills the good and obliterates the impurities that my stupid, sinful, keight-serving worldview has infected my faith with.

this doesnt mean that i dont need to hear testimonies, do devotions or listen to sermons that further reveal  or teach or share god's word. it just means that i feel like god is telling me that i have looked to those things too much  for too long and that i am in need of getting back to the source material and making it my firm foundation.

so all that said, my confession is still true. i still dont like the bible. i dont feel like reading it. i wish that having jesus open up my eyes to this stuff was enough to make me read the whole freaking thing in one sitting, but i guess i just suck or something because it hasnt been. i believe what he has told me and that he is going to grow me in this way, but i am looking for some practical solutions, tools, or shared experience to help me get there. 

have you ever gone through a period of just kind of being "over" the bible (yes i feel like i'm about to get lightning smote just TYPING that!)? how did you deal? push through it a force yourself? pray? wait and hope?

what have you personally had success with in terms of becoming dependent upon the bible? of taking it from a "i'm supposed to" to a "i need to" or "i cant wait to" (that sounds so far fetched to me, btw!).

*i hope this wasnt offensive to anyone. i think if god can love me while i am running from his word, it should be okay for me to share this struggle with others. please dont hate or scold me for where i am right now, or if you need to, dont do it in the comments.*

oh and i am updating this after publishing to add one true qualifier. i first published this with the lead sentence saying "i hate the bible," and later was convicted that NO I DO NOT. jesus is the word made flesh so, while i have ignored fostering my relationship with him through the word for a long time now, i have NEVER hated his word. hopefully from this post you can tell that i dont actually hate the bible  itself, or wish it didnt exist. i was trying hard not to sugar-coat the truth of where i am and i think i accidentally arsenic-coated it instead. sorry about that!

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[yall] save[d] Waffle!

ok friends, my gooey heart has been lured into the open and hoodwinked into loving a hopeless creature and i need your help. 

my friend found a kitten in her backyard yesterday and asked if anyone wanted it (her husband cant be around cats).

 stray cat strut. he's got cat class, yall!

i begged jesse since i have been wanting a kitten for some time and i am being plagued by chipmunks and bunnies in my yard (mr. macgregor is becoming a way less evil character in my head these days). plus i have missed having a cat since our danger and scout went bananas and ran away after we tried to convert them to outside/garage cats when layla was born.

so we took mr. little stray man home yesterday and we noticed he had a big lump on his side and a wound by his mouth, a wonky eye and was generally pretty lethargic (though so sweet and purr-tastic). we thought maybe something had bullied him.

my kids named him Waffle and the love affair began. i got nervous since he was looking rough and maybe not totally healthy. trying to guard my own heart from falling for this guy was hard too.

i wasnt going to let him inside until he was vaccinated and dewormed and flea treated, plus i wanted to make sure he wasnt about to die of some exotic suburban jungle disease.

so we went to PetSmart at 6:30 and begged to see the vet who was there until 7. the sweet dr. agreed to see us and examined him. the lump was actually a swollen and infected puncture wound from another animal attacking him and it had abscessed. it would be $300 to get him fixed up. tragedy!

health care costs in this country are jaw dropping

i was heartbroken because we CANNOT afford that right now. we werent even positive we could afford adopting just a baseline healthy cat (with vaccinations, neutering, etc) right now, but with another $300 just to get him feeling well and ready for normal care, it was looking hopeless.

we left petsmart (passing cages of fixed, clean, adoptable, vaccinated, healthy cats available for $110...oh my heart was so sad for my special needs stray!) and i tried to explain to the kids why me might not be able to keep waffle.

 not a great pic, but he was sleeping under the console in the van like an adorable chill little lump.

first we decided to see if he wanted to be ours or if he would run away overnight. well, he didnt move from our back doorstep all night long. i think he loves us (but it could be that he is feeling like crap and not in the mood for a roadtrip in the wild again).

well this morning we found out that a mobile vaccine clinic was in our area and we could get him dewormed and vaccinated for very cheap. jesse took him and had them look at the big bump real quick beforehand.

turns out it had filled up even more overnight and ruptured. they shaved the wound and it is just SO AWFUL. huge and open and so painful looking.

so much ouch. sorry for the yuck.

they couldnt flea treat or vaccinate him with the wound uncared for and they arent set up for that kind of care. so we just took him home. they said we need to keep him inside so maggots dont get in the wound (i'm dead) but we cant do that since he might have fleas. 

since then i have called shelters, vet offices, clinics and places especially for low-income pet owners. no one seems to be able to help without spending at least $300. we even considered doing some Dr. Google and trying to treat him ourselves like back alley vets (this was shot down by many as super dangerous).

i put a plea on facebook because i am seriously feeling for this little guy and running out of options (and hoping a miracle let's US keep him).

trying home treatments himself

well my facebook friend and 4th grade valentine suggested doing a kickstarter-espue, crowd-funding type thing where friends could maybe help us pay for his injury and the vet care he'll need to fix it. so that's what i am doing. it can only piss you off right? hopefully i have some goodwill stored up though at at worst it's just tacky.

it would be pretty to make Waffle like a community cat that we all helped to save. that's what the disney movie in my head is saying (also: believe in yourself!)

i know it's just a cat. i know some people hate cats (i thought i did until we rescued our first two kittens from a tree and fell in love with them), and i hope that asking for chip-ins for a random hurt kitten doesnt offend anyone. jesus probably loves people more than animals. that's okay and i acknowledge that; however, this little guy has crossed our paths and we are now what seems to be his only chance (beyond shelter donation which can end...badly).

we do want to adopt him but we just can't afford the cost of this wound surgery/treatment. so i'm hoping i have 30 friends/stalkers/animal loving haters/or random visitors who would give $10 to see this pet get patched up and adopted by a loving family.

if we can get $300, we will go ahead and take him to the vet for the procedure. after that, we will foot the bills (like we were already planning) for his normal care, neutering, shots, etc.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! yall are sock-knockingly amazing. THANK YOU!

i'm just putting it out there and seeing what comes back. i'm not thinking about a plan-B. i know lots of folks have hearts for animals and cant adopt them all themselves, so i am asking my community online and real life to help us pay to fix him up so WE can adopt him.

our waffle needs syrup. preferably made with penicillin.

anyone who contributes can submit a candidate for waffle's full legal name (because my kids dont do well with change, he needs to stay "waffle," at least colloquially).

thanks guys!

UPDATES

2:41PM - my 4th grade valentine gives not only the idea but the first $20, we're on our way! thanks, bobster!

3:42 PM - 13 people have given $150 so far! halfway there!

8:00 PM - YALL DID IT (actually it was much earlier but i was offline for awhile)! we are so floored by the kindness of our little corner of the internet to love even a lonely stranger kitty like. waffle is going to be a Dukes forever!

how to remove permanent marker from skin...of little punks

we got back from the beach saturday evening. i have already done myself a favor and repressed the last 3 hours of that drive home. 60 year old keight can deal with it in her spare time if it decides to flash back in the form of night terrors.  (so. much. whining.)

sunday morning was back to routine. jesse up at -4.65 AM to get to church and me waking up with the kids,  doing our morning stuff and getting us all ready for church.

i dont know if it was the stress of the drive, the countless kilos of seafood and sugar consumed on the trip or just plain laziness, but i COULD NOT get up when my creepy little munchkins came to wake me. i say creepy because their method of alerting me that they are now conscious is to get out of their beds, quietly creep (see? creepy) into my room and stand silently 6 inches from my face until i notice.

some archaic evolutionary device has been passed down to my most primal systems and despite being dead asleep and earplugged, my brainstem senses a threat and wakes me. i open my eyes and damned if the pint-sized creepers arent standing silently RIGHT THERE looking at me. it's unsettling.

i've sort of decided that 2.5 and 4 are the correct ages that my children should NOT wake me up ahead of my body's natural desires and that they can go play productively by themselves until mommy is rested and ready to face the day. 

did i decide this during lucid daylight? did i instruct them ahead of time on how to play quietly in their rooms? no and no. 

i made this decision shortly after exiting REM sleep while seeking desperately for any possible way to return to it at once.

so rather than getting them set up with a hearty breakfast and a game or activity and explaining to them that i need more time to sleep, i just mindlessly throw technological devices at them. (please dont feed the bears...yeah, it's like that)

my normal "screen time is BAD" hippie mama mindset is gone; a sacrificial lamb of my need to sleep. in the fog of exhaustion it truly feels like survival and not just selling out (it's probably just selling out).

rather than conversing with my cherubs when they wake me prematurely, i react like someone being mugged, "here take my iphone, take daddy's ipad, would my engagement ring satisfy you?...TAKE ANYTHING YOU WANT JUST PLEASE LEAVE!!!" 

i'm really a committed parent, yall.

but miraculously it works. they [unfortunately] love the screens and greedily take them. i fall back asleep in .5 seconds.

about an hour passes and i wake up naturally to a quiet house. this is awesome and i congratulate myself on "knowing when is the right time to give the kids the freedom they are clearly ready for, while drawing a boundary for my own benefit. way to go, keight. you are crushing this parenting thing!"

as i am lying there waking up i hear the little cat burglars come back in my room. with more sleep i am now ready to greet them. they round the corner of my bed and enter my line of sight.

ah, yes....

every. single appendage and surface was tattooed in red, thick-tip permanent marker. 

the brown end was dried out, but at least they had the red to refine their ARTSKILLS! with.

i really wasnt mad at all. yes, they know 100% that they arent supposed to draw on themselves, touch "mommy's markers" or even get out their washable ones without asking me. however, i had totally been busted and burned by phoning it in and trying to catch an extra hour of sleep. i'm pretty sure this is a total rite of passage for kids anyway. it was more of an "okay, so that happened. no one tell daddy and we'll just call it even, okay?"

i did want to see how they would react to me seeing them like this so i calmly told judah to go get my phone and come back (so i could document it all).

i'm actually going to give them props here because they did an AWESOME and thorough job of covering each other. they didnt touch a wall or clothes or furniture, but they did methodically and completely manage to work together to get the back and front of every limb and any significant expanse of skin. i'm pretty stoked about the cooperation it took to accomplish this.

judah was WAY more aware that he had been naughty than layla was. 

 i LOVE this. judah is so freaking guilt-ridden and waiting for me to react with a punishment, and layla is just proud as punch showing off some of her better scribbles. hahaha little fools.

 okay i am impressed. the fact that they thought to lift up their bangs and color foreheads?!?! LOVING IT! attention to detail? yes that will come in handy  in the future. totally snatching that up as a blessing.

 layla is catching the drift that this is possibly a naughty moment.

she is seriously rolling her eyes (and entire head) like, "geez, mom it no big deal!!!" judah remains concerned about the possibility of losing his donatello bowstaff for this.

 lining it up for inspection.

so after i snapped a few pics and told them that this was a bad choice, but that i wasnt mad, it was time to clean up the mess. i had warned them that it would probably hurt while we scrubbed off the marker since it's heavy duty ink. we were all prepared for a hearty dose of exfoliation.

but i decided to do a quick goog and see if there was an easier way. one article suggested tea tree oil.  i had a bottle of this stuff on hand because i had bought it in a frenzy when the kids' school experienced a lice outbreak (i.just.cant) this past spring. i had looked for non-chemical ways to PREVENT it from spreading to our fam if a classmate was "infested" (just. no.). we ALL used a few drops of the oil in conjunction with a 3-step kit of this stuff that i snagged from rite aid until the threat was neutralized. we smelled very tree-like and fragrant for a few days but it was worth it to have a shield in place with no brain damage. the smell is actually nice when it's not reminding you TIME TO CHECK FOR NITS! (STOP IT) every time you catch a whiff.

my potion and my patient

so i had an almost full bottle of the stuff and decided to give it a whirl. here's a quick before after on layla's sweet cheeks.

after just a few really gentle rubs (not scrubbing at all)

 hooray! victory.

i only had kleenex on hand. i would have prefered cotton balls because they are softer and give up the liquid more freely. i think because of this i had to use more and go over some areas twice (i ended up applying it right on their skin to get more contact with the substance). but in twenty minutes total for both kids, they were back to their normal flesh-colored selves. i even still have over half the bottle of oil left along with a million bright red kleenex in my trashcan.

so everybody won. the kids had a naughty little blast being sneakers, i got to sleep, they fulfilled a childhood milestone, avoided punishment, got to keep all their layers of skin, smelled like fresh flora for the day and i  even got to make some non-scalp-vermin  (ok. enough!) memories with my tea tree oil. 

so the standard baby shower gift baskets should include butt paste, gas drops and tea tree oil...because it may take a few years, but if you have kids, this moment is probably coming for you too.

CSB 2k13

the beach.

it was our 9th (!) year in a row going with our campus minister from georgia tech's family, the harpers,  to cape san blas in florida. these jokers are our 3rd family and we love them oh so much. and this beach is the undiscovered gem of the planet. 

it was slightly difficult this year due to rains that would be useful only in an ark-floating scenario pouring down on about half of the days we were there, but we still had no work, lots of naughty foods (swiss cake rolls! whole milk! sugar bubbles!), amazing restaurant excursions, and our best people all there so we couldn't (and didnt!) complain.

i got a little emotional about grayson (the 16 year old baby harper) this year. we first got invited to go on the trip with the harpers in 2005 (back when we were just boyfriend/girlfriend. jesse slept in the living room and i slept with tiny grayson) because rick wanted someone to be able to keep gray-gray occupied and not drowned or annoying. for the record, even an 8 year old gray wasnt annoying. i LOVED hanging out with him (he named jesse "lady hair." such was his genius) and he was my little buddy. he still is, even if he WAY isnt little anymore, but the weird flip flop that has taken place in who takes care of whom at the beach is a little tear-jerking.

i think this is the only pic i have of the beach year 1 (it might be year 2 though). look at the teeny everyones!

and here is gray on the exact same beach last week:

mindjob and my heart is inside-out!!!!

and just to move out of emotional nostalgia with some old treasure:

oh dear. no, THIS was year one. i know because jesse doesnt have a ring on and we were married all but 2 of these trips. and i dont think i have even an engagement ring on either (and there is NO WAY i would have done this--sun-in--to my hair if my wedding was two months away) so we must have been just dating therefore YEAR ONE, 2005. meaningless mystery solved.  sorry about my hair, guys.

ok here's a billion pics from this year's vacay.

 look what the tide washed in.

i assure you, you are NOT ready for this jelly.

 up at sunrise...gonna need some coffee.

 oh man. the beach is the BEST wearer-out of kids. four hour naps every day! i'll have a to-go order of ocean, please.

 just a couple of dudes super secure in their sexuality.

 she is not amused by how long it's taking bruncle (brother-uncle) donovan to put another flower in her hair

judah was welcomed into the horrifying male world of chafing on this trip so we had to improvise a speedo for him (or just let him go naked a bunch...which we also did).

 the big boys play bocce. is carrying kryptonite in your pocket cheating?

 so layla loves sand and its many topographical variations. any hillock she could lay on or hole she could snuggle in was a happy place for her. seriously she would maintain these positions for minutes at a time.

custom built for her

also being buried is a thrill

 probably my fave pic of her ever?

 there's my cheesing lady. 

 bruncle grayson obliges with a full body bury. (and twerks it out in the process)

 doing some sit ups while buried

 never miss an opportunity to stomp him

multitasking: kite flying and sand burial

cold foam. what a rush.

those are bocce balls. like 10 lbs each. go ahead and be impressed.

it's a gulf coast turtleneck

legs much?

beach robot

she's serious about hydration

 adonis in the clouds

 i was SHOCKED when i heard them playing happily and creatively together. they were cooking crabs here, obviously.

 really excited about soft shell crab for dinner. she loved it because she's so cool.

 we got some hand me down raw oysters from a neighboring table. we usually go for baked, but were up for a slimy mollusk adventure. #hardcore.

 lucky oyster.

lots of smooching

 the matriarch and patriarch of CSB

 they refused a smooch because of too cool.

my menfolk

 we're also too mature for silly smooches now.

i mean it's not year 3 (in 2007) anymore:

24 and 10 and BFF

PSYCH OUR BOND WILL NEVER END! (even if muscle tone does)

 rice is serious too

layla holding court in the parking lot

 jack the toad. judah had a bucket that he told me he and daddy had "captured a pet" in. i assumed it would be a crab and was prepared to pretend be surprised when he brought it over to me. i stuck my face in the bucket and saw this beast and about lost my mind. 

 ok thats adorable, if blurry.

 two more toads. (NOT JACK! HE WOULD NEVER) judah swung into nature theorist here, "dey are bruders. he's giving him a piggy back ride!" oh my.

 dude can swim like a fish. 

classic jump-through-the-donut-float game.

 a hilarious game of "i'm garrett and youre judah now"

 treasonous skies (yeah we got dumped on right after this)

 jesse was legitimately upset about abandoning his castle in-progress but them skies were threatening!

it's possible that we're related

and this chick is JUST as awesome on a coast as she is mainland.

 spooky blue eyes mesmerized by the tides.

hey you know what will test your faith in your child's swimming skills? the SEA! with a crazy riptide and judah's need for vengeance against every wave, i was tightly wound watching him do this for hours a day.

saying goodbye

so help me if that toad taught him to smoke.

gimme 5

"guh to ya mama!"

next are a bunch of pics with a dratted foggy lens. we always do family pics the last night on the beach but the weather was looking ROUGH so we just did them on the boardwalk in case we needed to bolt. we'll see if that was the right choice:

couldnt you just?

EEK! this guy is gonna be a great catch for some chick...if she can get past layla

hilarious traditional pic of the "big boys" holding their swinging baby brother. its fun now because grayson is the tallest of them all at 6'2. but that wont stop us! (that hideous shirt might, though)

2007 versus 2013. hahahaha puberty can surprise us all, sometimes.

they love their mumsy

whoops. the 2013 version is updside down. in the rain panic we forgot that oldest is supposed to go on top.

sprinkles ensued as we tried valiantly for a fam pic

way more accurate

 obligatory macho man pic

2007 version

 layla cant help but be drawn into the vortex of testosterone.

and then we got annihilated. (i had a tiny umbrella to keep the camera safe)

 please note jesse bolting ahead and leaving his children behind in the deluge. let's file that under "we trust the bruncles" and not "abandonment"

haha. soaked (ok, ill say it. garretts belly pose is weird.)

the end. see ya in year 10, CSB!