Pumpkin Orgasmo: The Greatest Holiday Dish Since Turkish Delight

I'm self aware enough to admit that if 3 siblings and I went into a magic wardrobe leading to Narnia, I would hands-down be the Edmund of the group: the jerky snot who runs off, betrays his people and ruins everything. 

Just like Edmund, while on my self-absorbed fairy-bender, I would run into the White Witch. To get win me to her side she would do some of her albino house-elf magic and offer me a snack. An enchanted snack consisting of anything my cold, pouty heart could think of.

Now, C.S. Lewis' Edmund chose Turkish Delight, which I have to assume is authentic English fare and therefore unfit for human consumption. So here's where I am better than Edmund (but still in desperate need of Aslan #BecauseMetaphor).

If I was snowbound with a rumbly belly in the land of always-winter-but-never-Christmas, I would look right into that witch's face and demand my tummy's desire: Pumpkin Orgasmo.

I come to you today, not as Edmund, but in the role of the White Witch (a title that nails me on at least 1.5 out of 2 facets), to bestow upon you this gift. But rather than getting the Jesus-lion crucified, it is the culinary equivalent of proof that He is good and loves us all. #BecauseManna

Brace for afterglow.

I first had this dish 6 years ago. A friend brought it to our annual friendsgiving potluck and it stole the show and my heart. I think she called it "pumpkin cobbler," and that was just fine, but it didn't go far enough. So I rebranded this sexy baby with a far more descriptive surname (note: when I take this to church or school Thanksgiving feasts, I tend to let it just be "cobbler" because of, you know, propriety/cowardice). But I assure you, the orgazz can't be silenced.

I secured the recipe from my buddy, adapted it a little bit, and now I make it 3 or 4 times a year to insane fanfare. This is by far the lowest investment / highest reward dish in my arsenal. It really is stupidly delicious and just bananas easy to put together. 

It tastes just like October, November and December mated with heaven and this is their sprog.

You can even make most of it ahead of time and refrigerate until you're ready. I mean, now or later, an orgasmo never disappoints.

What's that you say? You hate pumpkin? Mmmkay. Yeah, me too, usually.  I actually loathe pumpkin pie. But when in Narnia, everything is different.

I need you to just roll with it. 

Trust me. 

When people say they won't try my pumpkin orgasmo because they aren't pumpkin fans, I have an almost physical panic rise up inside of me. I have to resist the urge to bodily grab them and force them to eat some. Focus on the orgasmo, I want to say, not the pumpkin.

So if you're hurting for something to impress your in-laws, to wow an office party, or put a neighbor to culinary shame...this is it. I am giving you the magic. Use it only for good.

Ingredients (serves 15-20):

3 eggs, beaten

1 (15 oz.) can  pure pumpkin (not pie filling)

1 (12 oz.) can evaporated milk

1 cup sugar

1/8 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon ground ginger

1 ½ teaspoon ground cinnamon

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

1 (18 ½ oz.) package yellow cake mix

1 ¼ cup butter, melted

1 cup chopped nuts*

*walnuts, almonds, or pecans work great--or any combo of them

1. preheat the oven to 350° (unless you want to make it ahead and cook the next day or so)

2. In a mixing bowl, combine the first 8 ingredients (eggs through vanilla) and beat until mixed

3.  Pour mixture into ungreased 13x9 inch baking pan or 2 pie dishes (if you are making ahead stop here and refrigerate until your ready to cook it...just gently re-stir the mixture when you get it out of the fridge, it will be in liquid form)

You will get to this point and think, "nuh-UH! that chick is a liar. This looks like runny cold mud liquid!" Yes, yes it does, my friend. But have faith. Believe in the magic.

4. Sprinkle the cake mix evenly over the top of the liquid mixture (don't push it down or mix it in--let it just sit on top all light and ladylike). Use fork tines to gently rake the cake powder to all the corners and crevices where it needs to go. Don't sweat any clumps. It's so forgiving, yall.

5. Melt the butter until it's all liquid.

 

Yeah, I know. his is a tad obscene.  A picture is worth a thousand words...or, you know, 412 thousand calories.

6. Drizzle the butter evenly all over the cake mix 

Again, just get the butter generally well-spread all over. Dont get fussy about the drier or puddling areas. butter is a friendly fella. very eager to just make itself at home and spread out (like it does in my arteries and on my booty) and it will mingle in the oven.

7. Bake at 350°.  If you are using a 9x13" dish, set timer for 45-55 minutes, if using two pie dishes, set for 30-35 minutes.

8. Prepare thy nuts. For this batch I used 1/2 cup walnuts and 1/2 cup almonds. I have used pecans before too and they are awesome but were too expensive lately. One time jesse even added some heath bar crumbles (secretly, and only told me after) to the nut mixture and it was still great.

You can use a food processor or blender, but this little hand chopper is way easier to clean and perfect for little jobs.

From many...one. unite the clans!! chop until you can't tell the individual nuts apart and they are nice little crust-worthy shards. Do the whole bunch of them.

9. When your cooking time is almost done, open the oven and shake the container or rack a bit. if the middle of the mixture is still super liquidy/jiggly, let it cook a few minutes more. You want to leave it in until it is pretty stable. 

**It might look like the edges are "burnt" but they aren't. This brown edge crust is actually the most delicious and kind of the best part...tastes like a heavenly candy bar. So dont be afraid when it gets brown at the edges as you wait for the center to firm up. Our new hack is to eat the edges and then put it back in the oven to create new edges.

10. top the mixture with nuts

11. Pop the dish(es) back in the 350 oven on the top rack. bake for 10-15 minutes more until the nuts brown up and toasted a little bit.

 The house should smell like golden perfection at this point.

 Get out some seasonal flair and serve that baby up!

 I took a bite right out of the gooey middle

 Guaranteed satisfaction.

You'll have what she's having?  You should hope so.

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after party

layla turns two on wednesday.

we had a teensy family party at our house yesterday. i was a typical first time mom with judah and had actual party-parties for his 1st and 2nd birthdays...despite the fact that he was essentially clueless.  so until layla learns enough english to to tell us what she's into (like monster trucks or swimming), we just go low-key and DONT turn insane and murder everyone, as is my tradition while hostessing anything for more than 10 people. charmed, i'm sure.

well layla was ready for a nap a good 2 hours BEFORE the party and then kept upright only by cousins, cake and presents. 

so heavens to mergatroid, when we tried to get some family photos as folks were leaving, she was NOT having it.

and in the midst of attempting to coerce a smile out of her (there are a good 5 family members dancing behind the camera for her entertainment, we managed to extract a few GEMS that go pretty far towards capturing in one frame what our typical family life looks like:

aw.  poor, scary, everyone.

 judah afraid, layla's enraged and i'm a freak, but look how hot my hair looks!

 a picture that looks 90% acceptable live right on the edge of a full blown meltdown, if youre brave enough to go after it...its waiting for you there.

she turned on me here. baring her belly and going for my throat. 

 she wins. every time. i defy anyone to top the flashing throttler that is my little princess terminator.  girlfriend is FIERCE! 

i, the person: an open letter to my kids on loving jesus & america

i got riled up last night watching the election.

let me amend that: i got riled up last night watching some of my christian friends' reactions to the election.

just like the chick-fil-gay thing, i really try to stay out of controversial subjects on social media, because i dont see a lot of hearts being won over by the best status update or most face-melting zinger. 

but on a rare occasion i feel that it goes beyond personal political preference and strays into a place where truth might not be getting a fair voice. that jesus might not be getting a fair representation.  so i speak up (woe to me, possibly).

but i wanted to blog it out, rather than just leaving it to FB so that i would have documented for myself later on, and hopefully even my kids, where i was and what my heart had to say on election night 2012.

ok this was actually supposed to be a side-splittingly hilarious joke on election morning wherein i appeared to have gotten everyone's "voting" statuses mixed up with the word "boating." comic gold, right? but then it was pouring down rain and i think people thought i was making a weather joke.  maybe i should just make it a "choose your own adventure" joke.

then after i cast my vote and the polls started to close, i got really solemn about the weight of the gift we have been born into.  i thought about how i had been considering skipping voting because of the bad weather and then was reminded of the men who never had the chance to stand in line to vote because they thought that the right was worth their very LIVES. 

blammo. because 4 hours of wolf blitzer requires a little levity. (best followup comment by a friend: "You would've made a stellar FIGHTING ELECTRODE....")

and when the result started to be made pretty clear,and the "i'm moving to the caymans/canada/bahamas" statuses started rolling in, big mommy got kind of mad. 

 because politics may give us differing views from our brothers and sisters in christ, but NOTHING gives us a different standard than His.

judah, layla, and any as-yet unborn children of mine: 

you are the heirs of two amazing heritages: the freedom of america and the blood of christ. know that neither was cheaply purchased--though one is infinitely more valuable--and that both inheritances require things of you. 

you arent entitled to get more because you have them; rather you are called to give and love and BE more out of the abundance that they have afforded you.

please remember that having one doesnt give you more of a right to the other.  your faith doesnt serve to prop up or prove valid a particular political platform (spoiler alert: they're all wrong in some way), and your savior certainly doesnt need your politics [or anything] to be "right" before you come to him.

know that democratic freedom and christ's grace started as revolutions. actual revolts of the heart, body and mind over systems that declared we werent all equal, that we would never be worthy. though being an american christian today is about as expected or middle-of-the-road as it gets (demographically), yours is the legacy of revolutionaries. act accordingly. protect, welcome, and represent the downtrodden and marginalized. love with abandon when it makes no sense.

one thing that america and jesus have in common is the characteristic of voluntarily laying down power. our democratic republic's is centered on temporary terms of service--not rule--in office for elected officials (and an amazing precedent set by washington in his stepping down after 2 terms when the public quite literally would have made him king).  

our savior's example is far more poignant and perfect as described  in phillipians 2:

...Christ Jesus 

Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 
rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant

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i think one of the most beautiful things about our nation is that it is a small and imperfect reflection of christ's attitude. our governing officials, who--so often in previous history have been viewed almost equal to gods--instead should consider themselves servants and willingly make themselves obedient and humble to others. 
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please remember that the only country god ever cared for above any other was israel. jesus isnt a fan of america the country and doesnt need you to fight for it on his behalf. he is the ransomer of hearts; make yours his territory exclusively. borders and systems and regimes will change, put your heart in the hands of the unchanging; follow his example.

as great and worthy as both of your heritages are, at some point you are going to realize that one is vapor and one is gold. this doesnt mean our country is less; it just means our king is oh so much MORE.  only jesus is eternal and worthy of our everything. protect, honor, and defend your political human freedoms but, as citizens of heaven, realize that their true power isnt in what they themselves offer, but in the fact that they afford us unrestricted earthly access to worship jesus and proclaim his kingdom without punishment or fear.

we cant argue or complain or legislate people into agreeing with us. but we can, and must, love them into christ's arms. politics can make enemies out of us all. this is an opportunity to put that badass revolutionary spirit on display and LOVE our enemies. liking and high-fiving everyone who agrees with us is easy and never changed anyone's heart.  

sometimes i wonder if living in a government system that gets so easily confused with a religion is a blessing or a curse. because america's system is sort of, kind of close to jesus's message, it often gets confused with it. the last thing i want for you is to get conned into some watered-down jesus-lite culture that comes up short politically AND spiritually. 

our best bet is to know him. his voice, his word, his life, his love. cling to that and fight against anything that tries to make it something less than revolutionary, perfect, and humble.

love,

your once-anti-american, reformed cynic of a jesus-loving mom who gets it wrong more often than not, but that's okay because it's not about getting it right.




they say it better than me:

-on political idolatry

-7 things christians need to remember about politics