i should have listened sooner.
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my bloggy buddy hill hop hull was the one who first introduced me and jesse to the sleep retraining philosophy that judah mastered at 4 months old which gave us 12 free hours of sleep/sanity/each others' hotness per night! when she first suggested it my knee jerk reaction was, thanks, but hell to the no thanks. seminars aren't nearly as fun as those first 3 letters would lead you to believe. however in the end i watched it online and it saved our lives times ten million. more about that adventure here.
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so i should have trusted and listened when hil sent me another mommy suggestion back in the fall: extreme couponing. just reading that word sent me into paroxysms of fear and stress. i so did NOT want to be that chick at the checkout counter asking to speak with the manager so she can save 15 extra cents on incontinence pads (no, i DON'T have to buy those to play sports in ever since having a baby...why do you ask?). but even more than being a chicken who cares about inconveniencing other shoppers for 10 seconds i am a cheapskate; so i looked over what she sent me. i started having heart palpitations on the spot. terms such as "expanding file folder," "cross reference with your weekly in-store circular," "clip, save, file, and note every coupon in all papers," and "you will never have friends or a tan again" flew at me from the .pdf file. so i shut 'er down and didn't think of it again for a few weeks.
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then one day i was feeling extra mommy-ballsy so i decided to give it another try. i had had a few chance encounters with some other friends (danielle and betsy!) who were extreme couponeers and seemed well-balanced (as opposed to the ladies i had envisioned who kept their coupons in folders made from the skin of supple virgins). once i sorted through the hardcore vernacular i got down to the gist and was kind of excited and thinking maybe i could do this. (note: i shop 100% at publix and don't do the several trips or multiple stores thing)
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GIST (feel free to skip, it's all business)
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#1: only buy stuff when its on sale in the store. items' prices can fluctuate up to 50% from week to week. buy one get one free is the best sale to look for usually
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#2: clip all the manufacturer's coupons that you would possibly ever try/use in your sunday paper (subscribe first) and file them in some system (*if you are anti-clipping-everything there's an alternate method for doing this for only the items you already buy here)
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#3: get ahold of the store circulars with store coupons (like ones that can only be used at publix)
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#4: make a list of the things you need/could use based on if they fit #1 plus at least one of #2 or #3 (but having both is ideal since all store accept manufacturer's and store coupons for the same item)
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so that's the gist. if it's still really confusing or overwhelming, don't sweat it. little steps. that's what i did. i chose the baby accordion file folder for my coupons ($3.60) and started out JUST with grocery stores (there's a whole 'nother world of CVS type stuff too). i subscribed to the AJC sunday only edition ($12.83 per month...yikes, hope it's worth it) and then on monday i clipped all the coupons of products that we might actually need/get use from.
.
.
so i should have trusted and listened when hil sent me another mommy suggestion back in the fall: extreme couponing. just reading that word sent me into paroxysms of fear and stress. i so did NOT want to be that chick at the checkout counter asking to speak with the manager so she can save 15 extra cents on incontinence pads (no, i DON'T have to buy those to play sports in ever since having a baby...why do you ask?). but even more than being a chicken who cares about inconveniencing other shoppers for 10 seconds i am a cheapskate; so i looked over what she sent me. i started having heart palpitations on the spot. terms such as "expanding file folder," "cross reference with your weekly in-store circular," "clip, save, file, and note every coupon in all papers," and "you will never have friends or a tan again" flew at me from the .pdf file. so i shut 'er down and didn't think of it again for a few weeks.
.
then one day i was feeling extra mommy-ballsy so i decided to give it another try. i had had a few chance encounters with some other friends (danielle and betsy!) who were extreme couponeers and seemed well-balanced (as opposed to the ladies i had envisioned who kept their coupons in folders made from the skin of supple virgins). once i sorted through the hardcore vernacular i got down to the gist and was kind of excited and thinking maybe i could do this. (note: i shop 100% at publix and don't do the several trips or multiple stores thing)
.
GIST (feel free to skip, it's all business)
.
#1: only buy stuff when its on sale in the store. items' prices can fluctuate up to 50% from week to week. buy one get one free is the best sale to look for usually
.
#2: clip all the manufacturer's coupons that you would possibly ever try/use in your sunday paper (subscribe first) and file them in some system (*if you are anti-clipping-everything there's an alternate method for doing this for only the items you already buy here)
.
#3: get ahold of the store circulars with store coupons (like ones that can only be used at publix)
.
#4: make a list of the things you need/could use based on if they fit #1 plus at least one of #2 or #3 (but having both is ideal since all store accept manufacturer's and store coupons for the same item)
.
so that's the gist. if it's still really confusing or overwhelming, don't sweat it. little steps. that's what i did. i chose the baby accordion file folder for my coupons ($3.60) and started out JUST with grocery stores (there's a whole 'nother world of CVS type stuff too). i subscribed to the AJC sunday only edition ($12.83 per month...yikes, hope it's worth it) and then on monday i clipped all the coupons of products that we might actually need/get use from.
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me with my folder in my office. my proudest moment. gonna post it on HOT or NOT. my milkshake coupon folder brings all the boys to the yard.
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then i went to publix weekly ad and looked up everything that was on sale there this week. i made my shopping list based on what i needed that was on sale and that i had at least one coupon for. some stuff i just plain needed so i had to suck it up and buy the full price (my family will not wipe our butts with copy paper waiting for the cottonelle to go on sale). i pulled out of the folder all the coupons i would be using this week/trip so i wouldn't have to rifle in the store. when i got to the store i grabbed the publix in store coupon flyer from the front (there was only the yellow one even though there's a green booklet of coupons too, but the store manager told me "the crazy coupon ladies take tons at a time so we run out really fast." i gave him a "don't you just hate those bitches!?" look while casually putting my jacket over my magenta file folder with the word COUPONS!!! scrawled on the front). i double-parked the buggy and tore the store coupons that matched up with my list and a few more that were really good deals and worth a try (you could do this all before hand too).
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then i had at the actual shopping. it was kind of hard to come around the corner and see something i wanted but that i didn't have a coupon for or wasn't on sale. but since i promised myself that the first time i would try to go hardcore on everything except the stuff i REALLY needed to see if it was worth it, i held off.
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when i rolled up to the checkout i was really nervous. i was picturing myself getting into verbal altercations with the cashier and all store managers on duty attempting to defend every coupon with information about how my family intended to use the item, why we're so poor and need to save 35 cents (answer: because i'm an asshole) and my blood type. i pictured fighting for every sweet red cent. so he rings up all my stuff and i'm hiding my stack below his eyeline so that he'll like me a little bit first just based on my general charms and the tastiness of myass meat and cheese items before i whip out the crazy.
.
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then i had at the actual shopping. it was kind of hard to come around the corner and see something i wanted but that i didn't have a coupon for or wasn't on sale. but since i promised myself that the first time i would try to go hardcore on everything except the stuff i REALLY needed to see if it was worth it, i held off.
.
when i rolled up to the checkout i was really nervous. i was picturing myself getting into verbal altercations with the cashier and all store managers on duty attempting to defend every coupon with information about how my family intended to use the item, why we're so poor and need to save 35 cents (answer: because i'm an asshole) and my blood type. i pictured fighting for every sweet red cent. so he rings up all my stuff and i'm hiding my stack below his eyeline so that he'll like me a little bit first just based on my general charms and the tastiness of my
.
HIM: your total is $105.65
ME (handing over my ample stack): oh, and, here you go
HIM (NOT enthused): oh. coupons.
ME: (brandishing sword) prepare to die!
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but instead of leaping over the register to engage me in hand-to-hand, to the death combat over the legitimacy of my coupons he just scans them one by one. that's it! he types in a few things, hit a few buttons, but i am hearing nothing but encouraging little beeps from the "system" and none of the expected defcon 5 meltdown klaxxon sirens indicating that COUPON FRAUD was occurring. no one behind me was shaking their head or throwing copies of "six thousand cookie recipes!" at my face. it was all HAPPENING! then he said the greatest thing of all.
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HIM: your new total is $73.64
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that was when i had my first ever coupongasm.
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but instead of leaping over the register to engage me in hand-to-hand, to the death combat over the legitimacy of my coupons he just scans them one by one. that's it! he types in a few things, hit a few buttons, but i am hearing nothing but encouraging little beeps from the "system" and none of the expected defcon 5 meltdown klaxxon sirens indicating that COUPON FRAUD was occurring. no one behind me was shaking their head or throwing copies of "six thousand cookie recipes!" at my face. it was all HAPPENING! then he said the greatest thing of all.
.
HIM: your new total is $73.64
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that was when i had my first ever coupongasm.
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seriously, y'all. i handed him a bunch of tattered scraps from the sunday paper and he reduced my grocery bill by $32.01. of real money! right in front of my eyes! that i would have had to pay before i had those scraps!
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i was sweating and flushed by the time i left the store, my face glowing, eyes alternating between that wedding-night sparkle and shiftily checking behind me for signs of security hot on my heels. i hit the crisp winter air of the parking lot and lifted my long-ass receipt (a badge of honor for extreme couponeers) over my head and my face to the heavens.
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INCOMING SHOPPERS: i'll have what she's having
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INCOMING SHOPPERS: i'll have what she's having
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my war trophy. notice my total savings were 68.88 because of all the sale stuff i bought before using even one coupon
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can't hide my love. (or my enlarged thyroid... in case you doubted the veracity of my story). yes i take pictures of myself at work with my couponing supplies while my coworkers are at lunch: WINNER!
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last year 319 billion dollars worth of coupons were issued in the USA. of these, only $3 billion worth were used. some of that money was yours and mine! so, try it. maybe on just one or two items at first. it's not for everyone, but sweet mercy it was so good that when i got home jesse was suspicious of where i'd been and who i was with. just my friends mr. clean, aunt jemima and the keebler elves...freaky naughty!